Here's My Main Trigger (Trigger Alert)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Aug 26, 2010.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest


    That's it. Nothing mental.....nothing perceived. But stone cold reality. Life.

    I can be going along at a nice pace, not even thinking about suicide, when all of a sudden, something happens and SMACK!!!! I am right back in it.

    That is where I find myself this morning. This time, my car really is dying...I dont have the credit or funds to fix it or replace it. My work will be done soon as well, either when the car goes, or when I get fired.

    I can feel my anxiety rising. I can feel the weight of the entire world on my shoulders.

    After all this time and 3000 posts practically, I still find myself right back where I started.

    And I have been on my meds for like a week now.

    I dont's like I told a friend of mine, it would probably be easier to just leave everything behind me, and just walk away. Go find a cave somewhere to hide in. I dunno...
  2. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear your having troubles. Sometimes i'm similar, i think i'm getting on with life and then something starts me off and it feel like i'm back at the start (reminds me of snakes and ladders). Is there no chance work will pay for the car repairs if you explain that money is that tight? What meds are you on? some take a while to work as i'm sure you know. I felt nothing off some of mine for like month. I hope you don't give up just yet.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 26, 2010
  3. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I think I may go and buy my method this weekend.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That doesn't mean you're back where you started.

    What it means is that you have come a long way and changed a lot, but that thinking about suicide was a strategy you developed to cope when things were hard and because it was around for a while, it became 'normal' and so whenever anything gets hard you go back to that time. That's expected and normal, and is a part of the whole recovery journey. Its just about self awareness and understanding its ok. Its a thought and you don't have to give it any weight, you can just acknowledge it and then discard it.
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun I can relate too well to what you're saying. But you know as well as others do, cave or not, life always seems to find you. So make the effort to try and hide, thinking you're safe and secure from it all, only to have to face it eventually or jump into the fire with both feet and kick some serious ass from the start. They both mean work. Hell even trying to isolate yourself away, or planning an attempt. NONE of those options guarantee a perfect solution, but then..... that's life.

    And there are too many of us here that need you in our lives. Take a breather and let some of us help you through this tough spot. You've been here tons of times tigger. And with some support and love, you always seem to make it through. Dont change that now. :arms:
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