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Heres the problem

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dave, Jun 17, 2009.

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  1. dave

    dave Member

    When people say things like

    "things will slowly get better"
    "keep hanging on - its worth it/it'll be worth it in the end"
    "have faith that things will get better"

    what actual evidence do you have for that??

    theres no actual evidence or reason to believe that things will get better - its just pie in the sky - a completely unjustified hope

    Do you really believe that everyone has a happy life? no, some people just end up, troubled, bored and lonely till their dying day - some people - really do never experience contentedness or happiness - or quite simply not enough to make living worthwhile

    If you put it on a straightforward scale - where most people get about a 50-50, 50% happiness and 50% unhappiness - what evidence do you have that someone who's so far experienced at best a 5-95 is actually going to have the sheer luck for things to turn around?

    Put it this way, if someone told me for certain that things were going to stay the way they are till i'm on my deathbed at 80 or whenever - i'd top myself right now - by and large life has been quite simply an unpleasant experience.

    The 5% hasn't been worth the 95%

    Its a 6 hours work for £1 pay - its simply not worth doing it.

    So tell me

    why should i believe that things will get better?
  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    You have to work towards getting better. It's not just going to magically happen.
  3. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    Exactly, even a therapist can't really do anything for us. They can only point things out. We have to do the work. A few years ago I was homeless. No job, no money, didn't even have a driver's license much less a car. Now I have my license, 3 cars, and just bought my first house. It didn't just happen. It took a lot of work and will continue to take work for me to hang on to these things.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Well done,you have a lot to be proud of.
  5. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF. I hope you can find some peace and some answers here. As to your specific question, well if we do not hold on to some kind of hope, I guess the streets would be filled with dead bodies.

    I have a friend who tells everyone that there is no hope, that we are all doomed. Well, he's pretty miserable and not much fun to be around. As long as we're alive and kicking (slang expression) we should try as hard as we can and perhaps things will turn out o.k. No guarantees, but there's certainly no point if we don't try and hope for the best.

    **While I was posting, Right U R Ken kinda became the example for what I was trying to say.
  6. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    As Ken has pointed out, it takes some self work in making things better. they just dont fall off the sky like rain. We must put some of our drive and try to make changes to better our lives.

    Hun, all of us have had some dramatic events in our lives otherwise we wouldnt be here and it has marked us deep in the soul yet we still hang
    on the little hope that things will better if we give it a chance to reach
    us somehow.

    I wont write my story but know that things haven't been all rose and flowers but if I am to weight the good and the bad life has offered, I'd probably agree iwth you but life has surprised me often enough to know that at one of those corners' street happiness and better luck is waiting for me... will I walk long enough for me to reach it or will i stubbornly sit on my ..... and tell all gods and saints to send it my way? It's not worth sitting and dragging along our past but walk upright and eyes open for things to change and better themselves. Yes I DARE say to HANG IN THERE and keep walking and when you are tired, ask a friend to offer you his-her arm and keep walking.

  7. fpl

    fpl Member


    I guess that our friends and family say that to cheer us up. The odds of things get better are unknown. So, I think we should simply do the best we can everyday.

    Best wishes
  8. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Theres no proof that things will be better or not. Which is why we have a choice, we will try to make it better, or we give up. But as somw wise man said: try once, if you fail, try another time, if you fail again, try one more time,and if you fail.... well, give up, cause there is no point to trying to break a wall with your head.
    My head had tryed to break through many walls so far, without success. I hope you are still not at that point.
    As you noticed, im not one of those that will say: HOLD ON, THINGS WILL BE BETTER, because im not saying something if i dont have facts about that. I really dont know what went wrong in your life and why are you feeling this way. If you can say something more about your problems, and if i know something that will help you to GET BETTER, then, and only then i will say HOLD ON.
    I hope you will say something more about you. Till then, i can only say Good luck!
  9. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Hey Dave,

    Good post I think. I know where you're coming from. I think sometimes a person actually just wants someone to listen to them, and to understand the pain that they are in. They want someone to empathize with their situation, not sympathize out of pity. A lot of the time I get so angry when I gathered just about enough will to reach out, only to be told "Everything happens for a reason" or "Everything will work itself out". Its like they are dismissing your pain as someone would a papercut. I don't think people do it on purpose though. Most people are just uncomfortable, or they don't know any better because they haven't experienced the pain themselves.

    But as Ken said, you have to work to get better. I read an article the other day in Men's Health about Ryan Reynolds, and he said "I don't expect greatness, I work towards it" or something along those lines. Anyway, let us know if we can help you in any way and I hope you do get better.

  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I wish it were possible to say that things always get better, but in truth no one knows. We have to hold on to the possibility that it can and may. Sometimes in our depression we fail to see the changes. Maybe it goes from 5% to 6%. This is a change but not as dramatic as we hoped it wouild be. It takes a great deal of dedication and work to turn things around. Many people do not have the energy so they allow things to remain the same. This is through no fault of their own, but rather the fault of the disease that brought them to the place they find themselves. Take time to notice the small things. They are there if our eyes are open wide enough to see them. :hug:
  11. dave

    dave Member

    I am doing my best

    my point overall is that (without sounding too dismal)

    the emphasis on this forum seems to be about "surviving"

    I don't want to survive - i want to live - and enjoy it at least to a decent extent like a normal person.

    Suppose i get to 80 or whatever and i'm on my deathbed, looking back on a life that was by and large simply an unpleasant experience - i'm going to regret living and i'm going to regret surviving.

    What i'm saying is that of course I want everything to turn around - but theres simply no evidence for why it might - I just want to know the future i guess - if lifes going to be miserable and quite simply unpleasant and simply worse than death (which it is quite capable of being - (lets cut the bullshit about life always > death)) then I wanna die - i want things to be all over and to avoid life.

    So yeah - course I want life to improve, but theres no evidence or logic to support that. Its blind faith - its totally unjustified.
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