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He's back and I don't know what to do.

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I was molested and raped by a neighbor when I was in grade school. The boy is about 6 years older than me, so he was around 10-13 when this was happening. Was he old enough to know what he was doing in the beginning was wrong? Was he old enough to know it wasn't ok? And should I even tell anyone after all these years? Our neighborhood was always a tight nit community, so I never told anyone after I remembered what happened. I had blocked the memory out for many many years. I was afraid to put my grandmother, who I lived with, through the pain of accusing the grandchild of her friend of 30 years, of molestation. I think reporting him would be helpful for myself, but quite useless. It would just be a he said she said, case anyway.
I wouldn't have as much as a problem with it, if he didn't move back in next door my junior year of highschool. He would still give me looks, sexual gestures, and stare and laugh at me constantly. A stupid smug grin. I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate that I feel selfish for wanting to tell someone in my family, when I know it would just bring them considerable pain. They would assume it's their fault, and they should have known about it, and stopped it all.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I think you should tell your family let them know the pain that was caused and is still causing by this person He was old enough to know it was wrong Please don't hold it in tell someone you trust so this person can be watched carefully Telling will not harm others it will keep others safe from him


Well-Known Member
My previous response is incomplete, lacking the most important. YOU deserve justice. That is not selfish it's essential, imperative. Don't think about others, think about yourself. Seeing him accused is some small justice in itself even if he can not be prosecuted by law and you should definitely seek it.
i think you should tell. he was old enough to know better. it's very sad that nobody protected you then. but you can take steps to protect yourself now. don't keep silent.


Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
I agree that its probably going to be a "he said, she said" outcome if you report this to the authorities.
That said you still need help here.
I too kept abuse to myself for years. When I blurted it out my father sobbed like a baby, so I instantly took on the guilt for that.
Years later, and a damned good therapist, I've placed the guilt squarely where it belongs.......ON THE ABUSER!.

Now, as to his knowing it was wrong.
You say he's making sexual gestures at you now, then he is fully aware of what he's done and doing.
Do you have a friend you trust? If you do, tell them what happened and then the next time he makes a gesture/smirk or whatever, march straight up to him and tell him what a disgusting individual he is...tell and shame the bastard!!!
I can tell you now, he'll wet his pants with fright. Abusers rely on the fear and guilt they engender in their victims.
Decide to not be a victim and give him what for!!!
The very few people I have told over the years, eitherr A) avoid the subject B) say how sorry they are, he's a p.o.s, yadda yadda then drop it. or C) think I just want attention because they don't believe I could possibly remember things from when I was 5-7 years old. So I have been very reluctant to tell anyone. I am just so scared to tear the whole neighborhood apart, including my family. It would just be an insane nightmare of a mess.
I am tempted to do it, just to see if it would stop the nightmares. But then again, I would rather suffer those than cause discomfort/unrest/guilt in my family members.


Well-Known Member
No one deserves to keep something like this locked inside their own head. And it's his lewd gestures toward you now that really get me - it shows that he clearly knows what he did to you and is proud of it in some disgusting way. I worry that he might think that he has some kind of claim to you now, and would assault you again, so please, please tell someone - a school counselor or a trusted parent at first, so as to minimize the negative reaction. They need to understand that you don't deserve to carry this around with you and live in fear of this person, and he deserves to have his crime made known.
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