He's coming back!

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Lost2, Jun 3, 2013.

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  1. Lost2

    Lost2 Well-Known Member

    Am really struggling tonight and don't know if I can or even want to carry on fighting
    My husband brutally raped me and ran off to live in thailand 12 years ago. Not only did he leave me in an emotional and physical mess but he also left me to bring up 3 children who were 11, 8 and 4. He has not supported our children in any way and simply disappeared off the face of the earth - to me he was dead
    Last week out of the blue I got a call from an old family friend whom I hadn't spoken to for years to tell me that my husband is coming back to live in England next month
    I am so frightened - the last time I saw him he left me bleeding with the words 'no one will want you now'
    How can I keep going knowing that he could turn up any minute? How do I cope with my children having contact with him after all he hasn't done for them?
    I am unable to sleep, tearful and having horrendous nightmares and flashbacks - life is crap
  2. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Was there a case file ever made when he assaulted you? You could contact a support group that deals with people who have been assaulted and ask their advice. Or look into getting a restraining order if needs be.

    That being said, there's no reason to believe he'll get in contact with you, and as for your children.. well they are old enough to make their own decisions. If they know the circumstaces between you too I highly doubt they'll be inclined to humor him. Best thing is to try and just be yourself and live your life. If you have moments where your worried about things, talk to a friend or support group so you can calm yourself and literally work to remove the idea of him from your life.

    If a situation occours where he enters your life, remember you're the boss no matter what.
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    If he left for 12 years, then your kids are... 23, 20 and 16? It is their choice if they want to see him and they may well have no interest in him, or if they do they can see him well away from you. I understand you feel protective of them, but two of them are grown adults - talk to them.

    If he is in any way threatening or abusive toward you, you need to call the police. Every time, no matter how trivial it might seem. This is the first step to a restraining order. You can also contact local women's charities who will be able to advise you better and get you free support, help, and someone to call/somewhere to go in a crisis. The best way to deal with this, just my opinion, is to be proactive. Go to citizens advice and explain the situation - contact relevant charities and get counselling and support in place.

    I am sorry that you are so afraid but you are not powerless and if he does show up, you simply close the door. If he attempts to force his way inside, that is a criminal offence right there and you can take legal action against him. You cope by taking action. Keep talking to us here - we can support you too, but contact people in your town/city. If you need help to find out who/what, drop me a PM and I will try to help you figure it out.

    Take care
  4. Lost2

    Lost2 Well-Known Member

    My life is full of nightmares, flashbacks, wet beds, tears and anxiety - just from the knowledge he can walk back into my life at any time
    My children are old enough to forge their own relationships and I need to be strong enough to let them and not judge their decisions.
    I never thought he would be back and right now I just want to run and hide
    I'm not stupid enough to think I can keep my head up and just get on with my life - he will have an impact on it due to the fact tat for the last 12 years I haven't had to face my fears or deal with the pain. I simply moved on and bought my children up - so now is the time to remember how vulnerable I was, how he raped me while my 2 little girls were in the room next door, how afraid I was and how dirty and disgusting I felt
    No injunction or conviction will change that and even after 12 years the pain is as raw as the day it happened - seems that I finally have to face up to what happened to me and its hard
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun get a restraining order against him NOW ok let authorities know he is back in country and that you feel threatened by him You do need help hun i hope you reach out to professionals and get the support you deserve hun hugs
  6. Lost2

    Lost2 Well-Known Member

    Another night, another nightmare
    I can feel him, hear him and smell him and yet again my bed is wet and I've scrubbed myself clean - or tried to!
    There has to be more to life than this pain because if there isn't I'm done
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