He's gone.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by ~CazzaAngel~, Mar 18, 2010.

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  1. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Well, I just heard about an hour ago that one of my childhood abusers, my ex stepfather died a year ago. He has messed up so much of myself and my life. I will never be the same. Nightmares, flashbacks and fears will never go away because of him. I now know he can not hurt me again, besides the never ending effects of the abuse. I won't have to look around in crowds wondering "is he here?"

    Something that bothers me as well is.... after I heard that he'd died, I felt a little relieved and so far nothing else. So far, I haven't felt bad that he died. Am I a cold hearted person?
  2. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I'd say the fact that you posted this is a crystal clear indication of the fact that you're not a cold hearted person.

    I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you... If you ever wanna talk, I'll be around.
  3. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    I know it seems absolutely terrible feeling good that someone is dead, but I think it just goes that way sometimes.

    I know someone who went a funeral of his step dad and the people that spoke at the funeral pretty much said "We all know he wasn't the nicest guy... why pretend?".

    He's dead, he can no longer be hurt, and no longer hurt you. If he caused you so much pain, I totally think you are justified in possibly even being happy (or at least indifferent). You're not cold-hearted at all and your relief is justified. Don't beat yourself up over it Carolyn.

    Maybe your nightmares/flashbacks will go away.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 19, 2010
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I'm not really happy that he is dead. I am relieved in the sense I don't have to worry about him coming after me. I don't have to worry if he's hurting kids. He was a narcissistic pedophile. I had no childhood because I always had to be on guard, I had to survive. He ran away from the police years ago. I kept trying to find him because I was afraid he'd hurt kids, I thought I had to warn the police or child services, or someone. I have one less thing to eat at me.
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    your not cold hearted, i know when my dad finally goes i will be relieved too. he shouldnt have ruined your life :hug: dont be feeling bad
  6. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    you know hon your feelings are totally and completely understandable. i wouldn't worry about that. you're anything but cold hearted. i know when my abuser died i felt ripped off cause i was planning on paying mine back dearly for what he did. does that mean i'm cold hearted? i don't think so, because we have to protect ourselves and we feel the way we do and there is not anything wrong with that. it's what we do with it that counts. at least in my book.

    if it were me i'd be saying yeah he's gone. he can't hurt anyone else anymore. may he pay the price he deserves and nothing less.
  7. life~death

    life~death Well-Known Member

    you arent a cold hearted person babes :hug: after all he put you through, hes more cold hearted that you, even he even had a heart that is. i know you arent really happy that hes dead but he cant do anything he did to you to any other person, thats got to be a plus side, isnt it? i wouldnt blame you if you were happy that he was dead because if you ask me, i think he deserves it after what he did, hopefully he'll pay for it in the next life
    i know i can never come close to understanding everything he put you through and everything else thats happened in your life but i love and im always here for you, even if im not perfect in everyway. i love you and always will :hug: :cheekkiss:
  8. lover

    lover New Member

    Right, you are.

  9. deadtoeveryone

    deadtoeveryone Active Member

    you arent cold hearted for being relieved that your abuser cant hurt you aymore.. that you dont have to worry anymore.. you dont have to look over your shoulder and wonder anymore..its doesnt make you cold hearted.i am sorry you had to go through this.. if you need anyone to talk to im here for you
  10. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    You are not cold hearted. I felt the same way when I found out that my molester was dead. I felt relieved because I knew that now he couldn't hurt any more kids. If you want to talk I'll be here. I think I may have lost someone close to me so I'm pretty screwed up but I'll try. Don't kick yourself. Your reaction is perfectly natural. :hug:
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