Hi guys, my name is Paul. I'm a recent college graduate having trouble coping with reality. People around me have jobs, success, friends, girlfriends... hell, they are getting married, have proper careers. When I look at my life it's just so depressing, I cant get anything going. And I'm aware of the fact I have nobody to blame but me - I've been wasting time in college, I have no skills, I see absolutely no reason someone should hire me. So I live off my parents and feel terrible shame. And everyday I fear that the rest of my life will look like this, no career, no friends, no interests, no nothing. Lately I've noticed that I started to rationalize suicide on some strange intelectual levels, designing scenarios in which it would be actually a reasonable thing to do. Like I'm trying to convince myself it's a valid option. It's very disturbing to me. I feel I have no one I could tell this. Just caught myself on the fact that this is the first time I actually wrote/said that to other human beings, not just incubate these thoughts in my head. Maybe it's a good thing. Well, that was very chaotic, I feel. I'm not really good with introductions or "selling" my person to others. Cheers!