Hey everybody. :)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cc1990, Jan 19, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    I'm new here and I'm not sure how to start talking so I made a new topic. :D So, I'll just describe myself and then I'll get down to the reason why I came here.

    My name is Cory. I'm 21 and I've been described as shy and soft spoken. Every thought I have of myself is negative. I have nothing good to say about who I am. I think I'm stupid, ugly, boring and not good enough to be around normal people. I'm legally blind and I live off of disability and I live in a small town with nothing to do and nowhere to go so I spend literally most of my time in my room playing videos games or watching movies. I don't have a job, I've never had one, I'd like one but there are no places to work in this town. I can't drive so whenever I do go somewhere (very rarely) I have my mom take me and I get more angry and upset with myself because of it. There is no public transportation here or anything. I have an extremely apathetic, misanthropic, and cynical personality and a nihilistic view of the world. I just don't care. But bare in mind that this is how I think, I may be nihilistic and uncaring but I'm not mean to people or rude. I'm just quiet in person and I feel like I have nothing interesting to say, because I don't. I don't have many friends (big surprise) and the ones I do have live in a different town I live in. If somebody calls me something negative as an insult, I just shrug is off and agree with it because I think it's true. Surprisingly, I like meeting new people, I'm just very shy (even around my friends). I like listening to people talk about themselves, I just hate talking about me. In fact.... if we were in person, I would not have told you any of this. XD
     
  2. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Hello Cory, I think your a perfect person and that you don't have to worry that your not perfect enough. I'm sorry to hear about your ailments and other situations :( I think your going through the normal upset episode of having a disability which is quite normal. Also I'm the same way because I can't talk to anyone verbally that easily. You can message me anytime you want to talk someone because I like to meet new people to :) Also don't worry about that your not perfect... Because I'm not perfect either no one is. We were all born with weakness's and strengths :hug:

    Trevor,
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Hi Cory, welcome to the site and I hope you will find it helpful. I know I have even though I've been here a short time. You sound a lot like me, with all the negative thoughts about yourself. But you have to remember that most of what we think about ourselves is distorted by the mental illness that we have. Also the fact that people have always been down on me hasn't really helped. But this is a forum for support and you will get nothing but positivity here. Just remember that you are a good person and you can start to feel better about yourself. It's a slow process but well worth it in the end.
     
  4. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. :D <3
     
  5. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Your welcome :hug: if you need anything pm me or Christy. Were here to help support you emotionally :)

    Trevor,
     
  6. Sadie~

    Sadie~ Active Member

    Nice to meet you, Cory
     
  7. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    Nice to meet you, too. :)
     
  8. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    So... when it comes to my suicidal thoughts. This is how I feel........

    I think about suicide everyday, multiple times a day. It's gotten to the point to where I think about it so much, I'm not even worried or scared anymore, I'm just numb. I'm writing a suicide note, I add to it every few days but I just need to finish it. I'm writing about how I viewed myself, family, friends, lovers, and this worthless world we live in. I think about how I'm going kill myself and even how people would react to it. I keep playing the scenario over and over again in my head everyday. The only people that are really going to care are my family and what little friends I actually DO have because they're willing to put up with me and the rest of the world would go about their little pathetic worthless lives just like everyday. I think about how it would affect my family and then I think, "I'll be dead so it don't matter how they react." Suicide is selfish but I just don't give a shit about people's little meaningless feelings anymore. It's not like I'm useful. I even think about being killed, like being hit by a car... I would also consider it an honor if I was murdered by a serial killer. LOL. I don't cut myself, I think, "Nah, if I'm going to hurt myself I want it to be irreversible and fatal, so what's the point of just doing little cuts?" I don't know how each others lives are day by day. I thought I could vent and we can share our stories, at least hoping someone would listen. I don't want to attempt suicide yet because I want it done right the first time, I don't any fuck ups. I at least want to do something right. (This was taken from an earlier post on another topic) XD Tehe.

    21 years on this planet and I haven't seen a reason to enjoy it.
     
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Honestly I know how you feel, except I think even my friends and family wouldn't care. I hope that you end up not doing it, but it's your choice and I can't force anything on you. I just want you to know that I would care if you died, and I'm sure a lot of people here would too since we are going through similar things.
     
  10. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I've had suicidal thoughts for 7 years similar to yours couple times a day... Somedays are so bad that I just want to give in but people like Christy hold me onto Earth :hug: Sometimes it just takes someone who cares about you to hell you out. I would care if you killed yourself to because I care for you. Whatever you do is up to you and we can't force you to do anything. I just hope you continue to share your feelings :hug:

    Trevor,
     
  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Aww that's so nice...don't make me cry now :calm: You keep me here too
     
  12. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Your welcome :hugtackles: people here keep me tethered to Earth because their friendly and supportive. I hope that you'll consider staying here because it can help you.

    Trevor,
     
  13. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    Call me ignorant, but I was just curious how you use this site, play video games, watch movies and can decide that you're ugly if you're legally blind?
     
  14. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    Obviously you don't know what legally blind means. I can see, just very poorly.
     
  15. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I hope your doing a little better tonight Cory? :hug:

    Trevor,
     
  16. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    Meh, I'm okay. I woke up a couple of hours ago. I wanna get drunk but I don't have any money for alcohol. LOL. XD
     
  17. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I would send you some money if I wasn't so broke...lol, Getting drunk can be fun sometimes
     
  18. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Hmm... I see, yeah sometimes were do poor to do the stuff we want to do. I don't like drinking to tell you the truth - only during special occasions. At least your doing so so - my day has been going alright not much stuff has really changed. Still feeling suicidal - and my uncles visit didn't seem to help me... Do you have any other plan's besides wanting to get drunk?

    Trevor,
     
  19. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Same here, I only drink once in a while, but sometimes it helps me be more outgoing. I can get you ginger ale or idk what you like...lol :guiness:
     
  20. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    " I would send you some money if I wasn't so broke...lol, Getting drunk can be fun sometimes"

    You don't have to send money, I don't even know who you are. LOL. Silly billy. :)

    I had hopes of hanging out with my friend and his girlfriend tonight but they're busy.
    I might watch a movie, I'm not sure yet, It's 11:14 here. Lol. I don't like watching movies by myself, I have a surround sound system I never use, I thought about selling it but I just like the option of having it. Lol. Typical spoiled consumer American attitude. XD
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.