Hey guys/girls

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Charlie_, Mar 28, 2012.

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  1. Charlie_

    Charlie_ New Member

    My name is Charlie, and I'm actually quite scared to be posting on here. I never thought it would come to this, but here I am. I'm 20 years old and live in Toronto, Canada. I am a musician working a shitty 9-5 at a furniture store. I live with my girlfriend in a Condo. I feel as if I've always pretended to be happy, but never actually have been. My whole life has been consumed by figuring out how to trick people into thinking that I'm normal, content, and essentially enjoying my life. I however, have never been doing so. My mother passed away when I was 7, she killed herself. I was the last person to talk to her (i think) and I walked away from her. This I got over, it took a long time, especially because its so hard to comprehend at that age, but I came to an understanding and eventually it became part of the past. Almost a year ago (April 8th) My father, who was my best friend, mentor, and greatest love of my life passed away from Liver cancer. Ever since then I have seen no point in doing this whole life thing anymore. Seeing all my friends and colleagues who are my age talk about their parents, and their home life, and their families makes me want to kill myself. I have no parents and no guidance in life and I just want to die because of that. I want to be with them. I constantly think about killing myself, and the only thing that stops me is the people I would be hurting by doing that, I have 3 siblings and a grandmother, all who (thankfully) love me. I don't really know what the point of me writing this was, but I have never really told anyone this. So yeah, I'm scared. I just hope that maybe posting on here and letting a little bit out will help me, and maybe help some of you. I am a very loving and compassionate person, just trying to figure it out. Sorry if you think this is stupid, I do apologize, because I hate reading about peoples problems as I'm sure you've hated reading this. Anyway, thanks for letting me post here. Hopefully I can read and comment on some of your posts.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't hate reading your comments hun I am so sorry you lost your parents I can see how hard it must be for you hun Your siblings and grandmother they love you they are your family hun and i know they could never replace your parents love but that love will be what hold you here with them. I am glad you are speaking here to us letting go of some of that fear and sadness in writing it helps hun Also you now know you are not alone . Have you ever thought about talking to someone a professional hun who can help you heal inside a bit Have someone outside the family to talk to helps in that you can be truly yourself and not wear a false mask of happiness Keep talking hun okay here keep reaching out it does help WElcome to SF hugs
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Hi Charlie, welcome to SF. It's nice to have you here and no I don't think what you posted is stupid. It's good to let out how you're feeling and sometimes it helps. I'm sorry to hear about your parents...it's always really hard to lose people you love. You have your siblings and grandmother and it's good to have that support. I don't think you should kill yourself because you can do great things in your life. Please keep posting and hope to see more from you soon.
  4. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Hey Charlie .. thanks for letting us inside here and welcome.. have you tried any professional psych help out yet??? sounds like you could use some help now. especially fighting all the stuff going on in your life..

    look around the website.. lots of forums and posts to look at.. also chatrooms get active sometimes. you got any questions please just let us know.. take care charlie, Jim
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Charlie, very pleased to meet you. You are VERY precious to have navigated your mum's passing like that when you were so young. I am sorry for you and your siblings that she did that. I'm not 'judging' here because I almost did the same thing to my 4 children - I know how it can be. I often wonder what it would have done to my children had I succeeded, and I am sure they would have pulled together and, eventually, come through it. You have your family now of 3 siblings and a grandmom, and although :poo: in our lives, with sufficient support and insight, it is still worth carrying on, because, really, TINA (there is no alternative) when you think about your remaining family who love you. Perhaps talking it over with doctor who can prescribe something for you would be a good idea?
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