Hey Guys...I hope everyone is well! I not sure why i am here or why i registered but i feel like i need to get some stuff off my chest i guess. Hope it is alright!:unsure: I am 27 year old guy!! i been feeling suicidal for many years now but because of the strong person i am i have been marching on but it seems that i kind of reached my limit i think. Where to begin!! A lot has happened in my life that has tested my strength. I have seen rock bottom so many times that i am thinking of renting the place :biggrin: but in all seriousness i crawled with all my will every single time. I feel weird at the moment.I have a good life if i have to admit. I worked hard to where i am,i have a quite of bit of money,i am good looking(thats what people tell me),work out a lot,i have 2 best friends anyone can have,people respect me,look up to me, like me, love me.People tell me i have the strength and will to move mountains but i cant seem to understand the reason why i feel the way i feel. I am the type of person that i will try to save everyone that i can help. I feel for people all the time and even if i know 100% they will hurt me in the end, i will still help them. It's a sacrifice i usually take to help others. I am very perceptive person. I see things that other people don't see like qualities,details,unimportant changes, and i notice everything around me. People always say "hey..how did you notice/know that",not sure if its relevant but i will put it out there. For the past seven years, my mood has been going up and down like a yoyo and seems that i can not find peace or place where i belong, there is something missing.I tried suicide 4 years ago but it failed. My heart feels for a lot of people but i know that part of my heart is filled with hatred/sadness/rage/wrath.I cant explain it, i been keeping a lid on things but it's starting to overflow now.It's like my heart is so inflamed with love and hate that i can not contain it. It feels like nothing satisfies me but the pain now.I feel like a masochist. If i had a wish, i will wish that i can take everyone's pain into me and control it. Lately, my gut feeling is telling me that it's time or that i am very close to breaking down, and its also is telling me that i am not going to crawl out of this one. I think this is my last resort Apologies if this doesn't have any structure at all. Just type what pops in my mind.Sorry for the long post!