It's been awhile since I've been here. Not sure if anyone I know is still around. Regardless Hi. It's been awhile. Recently my life has been hectic to say the least. I'm 21 with a 4 month old son. I've got a history of abuse, substance abuse, self harm, the list goes on. Tonight, like many nights I've taken the path of alcohol (Feel free to edit this if its triggering) and suddenly it hit me. Life's a bitch. You know it, I know it. But what is the point of letting it hinder? We're here, we have this one chance to make something of it, of ourselves. Ever since my son was born I've been worried that the history of abuse would repeat its self. You know, they say the abused become abusers themselves. I will not, I REFUSE to let the statistics tell me how I should raise my son, or how I should live my life. I've made mistakes. My parents have made mistakes. Nothing I do, no matter how hard I wish it, would change it. I've made some of the same ridiculous mistakes in my life. All of us have visited this site for one reason or another some worse than others. Granted my life hasn't been the worst out there and I may not know what some of you are going through but I can honestly say, whatever it is, you're strong enough to over come. It may seem hard right now, hell it may seem impossible but I believe in each and every one of you. I honestly believe all of us have it inside ourselves to grasp our lives by the reigns and lead it in the direction we want. They say abuse in all forms are a form of control. Control through fear. If we continue to have this fear we give into the abusers control. I for one refuse to do it any longer. I will not give into my father. I will not live my life afraid. I will try my hardest to be the man I wanna be, and not the BOY my father raised. I heard the song Boston by Augustana for the first time in ages tonight. I really listened to the lyrics for once. I think it at least for me, it shows how we should rise above our pain and move to "Boston" past it all. A new town to leave it all behind. Letting go of all our regrets and misgivings. Like I said life sucks but does that mean we should give up? Hell no, it means we should grit our teeth and become stronger from our experiences. I love everyone here. I may not know exactly what you're going through, but I know you can get through it, just believe in yourselves like I believe in you. I truly hope my drunken rantings have giving at least a tiny speck of hope for at least one person here. It's my life, and I'm the one in control, not some sadistic bastard who calls himself my father.