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Hey, I'm Joey

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by JoeyP, Feb 13, 2009.

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  1. JoeyP

    JoeyP Member

    Hey everyone. i just started goign through depression, about 4-5 months into it now, and thought maybe this would help a little. I've been withdraring from my friends and family because they dont seem to understand, but maybe some people in here can relate to me or what not. Anyway, my name is Joey, I'm 17, a senior in high school. I'm Asian American, 75 korean and 25 white, and i'm bisexual. i recently told my best friends and sibligns, but NOT my parents or other friends. I'm still i nthe closet about my bisexuality, and I have been dating girls pubically and talking to guys via internet.

    Most of my depression comes from my step dad. My dad died when I was 3, and i've ahd this step dad since I was about 5. He's abused me my whole life since I was 5. He neglects me, makes fun of me, cusses at me, all of that. I coudl probably tell you thousands fo stories of how he's treated me like crap, but I won't go into that.

    I'm an honor roll student, and have always been one. I'm in theatre, dance, show choir, chorus, taken spanish for 4 years, i'm in the drama club, spanish club, national honor soceity, fellowship of christian athletes, and have a 4.0 gpa. I got accepted to 4 colleges already. On top of that, i work two jobs, one as a casheir for food lion, and the other at aeropostale. Im very busy , and i work 30+ hours a week ontop of school work and college classes. Life si really stressful. I have a lto of friends but lately ive been pushign them away. Im usually bubbly, charismatic, outgoing, funny, and rambunctious. So when i tell m yfriends im depressed, the ytake it as a joke and just think of it as me trying to get mroe attention.

    My parents speak msotly korean, so its ahrd to talk to them about anything. I know my mom loves me but i know for a fact my step dad hates me. I've just been trying to please evryone and it seems like nothing I do is ever good enough. My brain is never relaxed and now my grades r slipping, i skip work sometimes, and i sleep after school all day and still get tired. This is just a short sumamry of my depression. Lately, ive been thinking of suicide.......alot. i probably wont do it because im iintellegent enough, but the mroe i think of it, the mroe i want to do it.

    yesterday, i was in class in groups of 3 deciding on topics to write about for our class essays. i told my group i wanted to write about suicide, and they said i shouldnt because i wouldnt take it seriously. (im a class clown and sometimes a ditz when im not depressed) they thought i was too imamture to handle a topic of suicide, and i finally told them if the yreally wanted tio know why i wanted t owrite abotu suicide. i told them i was suicidal and they took it as a joke. at the end of class, my friend who sits beside me gave me a note abotu a suicide forum and hotline number. During my next class, the teacher fro mmy previosu class stopped in my next class and pulled me out. turns otu my friend told her that i was suicidal, and we talked for 40 minutes before my teacher sent me to the guidance counselor. I talked to her for about 2 hours, and she checked me into a mental counselro to get evaluated 3 days from now. Im nervous as crap because ive never ahd counseling of any kind. Im completely sane. I don't know what i got myself into!

    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 13, 2009
  2. iceeblusmurf

    iceeblusmurf Senior Member

    Hey Joey! welcome! i'm really glad you're here. and i am also glad that you're getting help. it sounds like that friend who wrote you the note was a true friend and really cares about you. i'd stay close by that one. its good to hear that the school system doesn't fail everyone.

    I know what its like to have a stressful life, i work a lot too. i can relate to how tiring it is. i can't imagine working that much and going to school also. thats got to be hard.

    We're all here to support you when you need us. and again WELCOME!

    I'm around a lot of you ever need me. :)
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya, Joey! :welcome: to SF! I hope you find the support you want, here. I'm sure there are people here who can relate to the things you've mentioned.

    I'm actually happy for you that your friend cares enough about you to alert the teacher, who got you to the guidance counselor, who is sending you to the other counselor for an evaluation. I think that's going to be a really good step for you.

    Counseling will be fine. It's like a conversation with someone who understands your feelings and the way you think (frequently before and better than you do yourself :laugh:). Really, just be as honest as you can when you talk about what's on your mind - that's the only way the counselor will be able to give you the kind of help that will support you best.

    Anyway, you sound like a nice, intelligent person, and I'm glad you've come to SF!

    :hug: Take care of yourself!
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi joey, very nice to 'meet' you.... i am very happy that you have a TRUE friend. . .what a very caring gesture..

    s.f. is a great place to be, because here, we ALL understand. and we are accepting.

    counseling may make you nervous at first. until you realize that it is finally a safe place to open up- - please do open up - it won't help you unless you are honest. it CAN help, and reaching out here is also very positive, we all lean on each other - and try to get better in our 'real lives' too. . and it is 24 hour/day support here. pm any of us. . . . we all care about you, and welcome . . :hug:
  5. JoeyP

    JoeyP Member

    I dont think that my aprents spenind 12500 o na counselro to get paid to talk to me is goign to solve anything. i think of it as the counselro just doing it to get paid.

    My sister and brother found out i was suicidal yesterday and m ysister tried to hang otu with me today btu i declined. she treid to pick me up fro mschool but i declined, and my brother woke me up after i took a nap to go out to eat and to the movies andi declined. i feel really abd pushing them away but it jsut feels awkward and all. I cant talk to the mabotu my issues yet, its too awkward and weird
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya, Joey,

    I know what you mean. It sounds weird that talking is going to help. It is like a conversation, except the counselor has spent oodles of years learning exactly what to ask about, when to ask, and how to identify what thoughts, experiences and feelings you need to connect in order to feel better. The counselor will listen to you carefully and then talk about it with you to get you re-thinking what has been on your mind. It's that re-thinking that's important. But a counselor can't do that without the "conversation" part. (And the part that the counselor is getting paid for is the know-how and ability to get people to talk so they can re-think their their thoughts, experiences and feelings.)

    I hope you'll give counseling a chance. It may be hard to open up at first - lots of people feel that way - but when it starts to help, you'll really begin to feel better!


  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum Joey. As Acy said, although it appears counseling is just talking, it is really much more involved than that. Please go in with an open mind and allow them to do what they can to help you sort through your feelings. If it can help what have you got to lose?
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Joey,
    Welcome to the forum. You will find alot of support here and alot of the members are around your age. Why don't you write down what you want to dicuss with the counselor so you don't forget.. Iknow you will be nervous at first but they will make you comfortable..Take care!!
  9. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Hi Joey, welcome to SF!!
  10. JoeyP

    JoeyP Member

    Thanks for the warm welcome. This place feels like home already, haha, jk. Okay, so today my mom wakes me up at 7 am in the morning to tell me some one hit the side of my car and ran. My car is all busted up and I'm not sure if its drivable because I can't steer left that much because the damage is on my front left side of the car beside my tire. Life sucks!

    Due to my depression, I've kept declining my friends offers of hanging otu with them. I'm supposed to be going on a date today, but I'm thinking of lying so I dont have to go. Im usually never like this. I hate how depressed I am. My date has no idea Im depressed or suicidal, and i dont plan on telling. I hope this is normal to the people who get on here. If I told any of my "friends", they would think Im crazy or jus ttrying to get attention
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to sf :)
  12. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    welcome x
  13. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya, Joey, G'Morning!

    I know when I'm depressed, I often don't feel like doing much. Sometimes I have to force myself to go out. And the good thing is that when I do go out, I usually have a better time than I thought I would. Just getting out distracts us from troubles, even if only briefly. Small outings can be like bright lights in the blahs.

    If you're feeling really crap, I can understand if you end up deciding, "Erg. I'd rather not go anywhere!"

    Good luck, hun! :hug:
  14. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF Joey :hug:.

    Take care, Claire xx
  15. JoeyP

    JoeyP Member

    Thanks for the welcome! ;) I found out today that makign other people happy and talking to people abotu your issues can really maek you feel better. I worked a 12-8 pm shift today as a cashier at Food Lion, and I talked to m yemployees, who are obviously m yfriends, about m ysuicidal thoughts and depression. They were really understanding and everything, it was liek a breath of fresh air, because im in this depressional withdrawal phase.

    Also, tonight after work I decided to go to this girl's birthday party. This particular girl has ahd a crush on me for years, but she isnt my type at all. But, I went out of my comfort zone and met people who are homeschooled and sort of anti-social, but they were really cool. Safe to say, I knwo for a fact the girl was starstruck after i gave her a pet betta fish as a birthday and like 5 hugs. In school, this girl is soo soo shy to talk to me because apaprently im "too cool" to be seen with her. But, I learned making other peopel feel good makes u forget about ur own problems. But now im home, and i still feel depressed and all. Its so weirdddddd, ugh, its liek one minute im happy and the next im abck to beign depressed. Life sucks
  16. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    hey joey welcome.. was nice talking to you in chat x
  17. JoeyP

    JoeyP Member

    I just went tocounseling today............. I didnt have much expectations, but it did help, kind of. I was kind of suprised at how direct the counselor is with you. He asked me direct questions without implying stuff and i gave him direct answers. even though i was crying, i felt better after wards. Basically we came to the concluision a lot of my stress and depression comes from my step father. He said I should eat healthier to avoid getting drowsy and tired and do more activities and hang out with friends. He doesnt think i need medication and he thinks im not too suicidal. I hope hes right. i have one more meeting with him and i should be good. but i have no idea if my depression can be treated this fast. i hope so tho
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