Hey everyone. i just started goign through depression, about 4-5 months into it now, and thought maybe this would help a little. I've been withdraring from my friends and family because they dont seem to understand, but maybe some people in here can relate to me or what not. Anyway, my name is Joey, I'm 17, a senior in high school. I'm Asian American, 75 korean and 25 white, and i'm bisexual. i recently told my best friends and sibligns, but NOT my parents or other friends. I'm still i nthe closet about my bisexuality, and I have been dating girls pubically and talking to guys via internet. Most of my depression comes from my step dad. My dad died when I was 3, and i've ahd this step dad since I was about 5. He's abused me my whole life since I was 5. He neglects me, makes fun of me, cusses at me, all of that. I coudl probably tell you thousands fo stories of how he's treated me like crap, but I won't go into that. I'm an honor roll student, and have always been one. I'm in theatre, dance, show choir, chorus, taken spanish for 4 years, i'm in the drama club, spanish club, national honor soceity, fellowship of christian athletes, and have a 4.0 gpa. I got accepted to 4 colleges already. On top of that, i work two jobs, one as a casheir for food lion, and the other at aeropostale. Im very busy , and i work 30+ hours a week ontop of school work and college classes. Life si really stressful. I have a lto of friends but lately ive been pushign them away. Im usually bubbly, charismatic, outgoing, funny, and rambunctious. So when i tell m yfriends im depressed, the ytake it as a joke and just think of it as me trying to get mroe attention. My parents speak msotly korean, so its ahrd to talk to them about anything. I know my mom loves me but i know for a fact my step dad hates me. I've just been trying to please evryone and it seems like nothing I do is ever good enough. My brain is never relaxed and now my grades r slipping, i skip work sometimes, and i sleep after school all day and still get tired. This is just a short sumamry of my depression. Lately, ive been thinking of suicide.......alot. i probably wont do it because im iintellegent enough, but the mroe i think of it, the mroe i want to do it. yesterday, i was in class in groups of 3 deciding on topics to write about for our class essays. i told my group i wanted to write about suicide, and they said i shouldnt because i wouldnt take it seriously. (im a class clown and sometimes a ditz when im not depressed) they thought i was too imamture to handle a topic of suicide, and i finally told them if the yreally wanted tio know why i wanted t owrite abotu suicide. i told them i was suicidal and they took it as a joke. at the end of class, my friend who sits beside me gave me a note abotu a suicide forum and hotline number. During my next class, the teacher fro mmy previosu class stopped in my next class and pulled me out. turns otu my friend told her that i was suicidal, and we talked for 40 minutes before my teacher sent me to the guidance counselor. I talked to her for about 2 hours, and she checked me into a mental counselro to get evaluated 3 days from now. Im nervous as crap because ive never ahd counseling of any kind. Im completely sane. I don't know what i got myself into!