Well I've looked around on here and it seems like a decent forum, so i'm finally posting. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was about 11 or 12 (i'm 19 now). I would never tell anyone cause I didn't want to come off as someone looking for attention. But now my thoughts are daily and 3 years ago i've developed anorexia. When I feel really low I fast for 4 days to a week (sometimes longer). It surprises me cause I feel better when I don't eat. But now that i've graduated high school and am entering the "real world" my thoughts are increasing and i'm feeling worse. Whenever I think of the future I don't see a purpose for me. I see everyone and how they struggle and are unhappy and I think to myself why i'd want to go through that. I don't want to be unhappy and alone my whole life but I don't think I can change who I am and make myself happy. When I think of suicide it's almost comforting in knowing I can leave and never feel like that. I feel in control of myself. The only thing holding me back is my family and i'd feel terrible for them afterwards, but if I were to do it i'd make sure they all knew i love them and it had nothing to do with them.