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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Avellana, Aug 10, 2009.

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  1. Avellana

    Avellana New Member

    Well I've looked around on here and it seems like a decent forum, so i'm finally posting.

    I've had suicidal thoughts since I was about 11 or 12 (i'm 19 now). I would never tell anyone cause I didn't want to come off as someone looking for attention. But now my thoughts are daily and 3 years ago i've developed anorexia. When I feel really low I fast for 4 days to a week (sometimes longer). It surprises me cause I feel better when I don't eat. But now that i've graduated high school and am entering the "real world" my thoughts are increasing and i'm feeling worse.

    Whenever I think of the future I don't see a purpose for me. I see everyone and how they struggle and are unhappy and I think to myself why i'd want to go through that. I don't want to be unhappy and alone my whole life but I don't think I can change who I am and make myself happy. When I think of suicide it's almost comforting in knowing I can leave and never feel like that. I feel in control of myself. The only thing holding me back is my family and i'd feel terrible for them afterwards, but if I were to do it i'd make sure they all knew i love them and it had nothing to do with them.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well you're right. SF is a decent forum with lots of good people that can understand how and what you are feeling. Graduating isnt always the big hurray everyone thinks it's going to be. Sure you're finally finished school. Something you've been doing almost everyday for the better part of your life. Now? What? It seems as if the rest of the world and yourself for that matter seems to think you should have the rest of your life all wrapped up in a neat little parcel. Nope. Unless you plan on going straight on to college or university, it's a whole new playing field.
    Give yourself a little time hun. If you dont have a job think about even a part time one. Gives you some spending money and you wont feel like you are burdening your parents by staying home a little longer. While you're working at that, give some thought to what you would like to see yourself doing in say the next 2 - 5 years. A career, travelling etc. Then start planning for it. Get ready the things you will need to do to achieve that. Dont let it overwhelm you all at once. Like the saying goes... one day at a time. You are still very young ( I'm 45 so in my eyes you are lol). Dont be so worried about the rest of your tomorrows just try and enjoy today.
     
  3. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    the one thing that destroys young folks selfesteem, is always looking at what someone else has, does or looks like.

    those who may have low self esteem early on, will only be allowing those kinds of scenerios to add to it.
    if we dont have a healthy image of US." self esteem" we end up saying and thinking negatively about us. in time all those negative thoughts become truth .. so we think.
    negative thinking brings LIMITED thoughts.we reach a certain plateau and we never get any further because we just cant see anything else happing for us. we fail to see any form of purpose in our life or for our life.

    your life follows your expectations. our expectations set our boundries.
    when you ball it all up together, its our way of thinking that controls us, our reactions and ultimitly our expectations of us.

    it takes time to reprogram your mind ...'WAY OF THINKING"
    there are many simple ways to do so, even with the biggest pain in the ass issue or person. ya know what ??? theres a way to do it FOR YOU AS WELL.

    when you are irratated by a person ... lets say at work. everytime you see this person you get pissed off. it doesnt matter what time of day it is, you get pissed just by the sound of their voice.

    stop and think for a minute ....everyone has qualities. what qualities does that person have ?
    start and think of the good things. it may only be one or 2.. when you change your way of thinking about this person you may never like them, but you will feel better when you see them. you wont be pissed off, you will be able to tolerate.
    change the scenrio to you. everyone, i dont care who, HAS GOOD QUALITIES. stop and think for a moment about 10 that you have. build your selfworth up.
    you have to be honest when you do this. stop and think. there are things that you have acclomplished in your life. maybe your great with the public, maybe you like to read. the simple fact that you have kept going all these years makes you strong ... you just wont allow yourself to see it. there is to much negative thinking on your part.
    the way to changing your life and NOT MAKE YOURSELF LIKE SOMEONE ELSE, is to change the way you think.

    look at positive things in your life. what are you thankful for. sounds like you get along with your family. you see where im going here ?

    give it a shot.

    i hope it helps alittle.

    odie
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...it seems like the perfect time to recruit help (both professional and peer support)... life is lived in the gray areas...it is not all good or all bad...all dark or all light and when we perceive it that way, we need assistance to rewrite the narrative we have created for ourselves...please PM me if I can help...big hugs, J
     
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