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Hey, newbie here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Richard, Jan 15, 2011.

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  1. Richard

    Richard New Member

    Well i'm Richard, 28 and live in Nottinghamshire in the UK.

    Been having suicidal thoughts for maybe 4 years now, i don't feel sad, i haven't cried since.. well i don't even know, maybe when i was a teenager?

    I just feel empty and withdrawn, unmotivated, things i used to enjoy i no longer do, apart from going to work i'm a complete hermit.

    In school i messed about and was always in trouble, didn't get good exam results so never had the chance to go to college or university, i was always a fat kid so i wasn't popular and never had any girlfriends, although everyone knew me, it was more for being notorious as a troublemaker.

    after leaving school i've been in a range of differnt vocations, all around minimum wage, and managed to get myself into debt, i'm sorting that out gradually being in an IVA but thats still got a few years to run, i'll be 31 and old by the time i'm debt free, oh i live at home aswell so no chance of moving out.

    i've never really bothered with friends because i was always being let down, i've been a loner for years, apart from the people i work with i'm pretty much anonymous.
    I have family (living at home) but i spend all my time upstairs on either the laptop or xbox or sleeping my life away.

    i was as fat as 26 stone at one point, but after some weightloss i'm around 18 stone now and look in proportion pretty much, i'm 6'3 so i carry it well anyway. i'd say i've got average looks but women don't even notice me.

    In a nutshell i just don't see the point of life, i don't believe in god or anything so no afterlife or anything for me, we're just here for 70 years or so and then vanish without a trace without even knowing we ever existed (from the deceased' pont of view), why should i spend years feeling empty when i can just extinguish the light all together and not be... aware? it'll be as if i was never here.

    right i've rambled on long enough, i'll probably think of more to add at some point.

    oh and incase anyone was wondering why all of a sudden i decided to join this site? went out yesterday for a colleagues birthday knees up, i pretty much ended up feeling like a spare part, whenever i tried to talk to anyone i couldn't get a word in edge-ways, they all had their own little groups, why be so adamant that i should be there when i'm not even noticed anyway?

    bye for now :)
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Hello Richard!

    Welcome to SF!

    Have you tried therapy or treatment?

    I think that things can get better for you and I hope that they do!

    I think that everyone can relate to the feeling of being in a social group but feeling completely at the margins. it's a bad feeling

    I think that you can learn to connect with people, and that would help you a lot

    I think that there are a lot of women who are crazy for tall men, so I think if you are able to pull out of your depression you might find that there are quite a few women who are attracted to you.

    also, you may only be perceiving that women don't like you.
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