Well, for once I have good news. I spent two hours thinking. In the truck, with my dad with me. I slowly came to the realization of alot of things. 1) My dad needs me. He is trying to finally start a family. A girlfriend, with kids who need a father as much as I need a mother. Me and him, we've been through hell. An abusive girlfriend before Dee Dee, my mother and her abuse, his fighting for custody for me, my mom's drugs...ect. He needs me. I've never noticed this before. 2) I am the structure for my friends. They need me as much as him. I didn't notice how much I helped a friend of mine by just holding him and telling him its okay. I didn't know I had such an impact. I need to be there for them. So, I decided this in the truck. I'm calling off my suicide 'date'. I'm calling off all attempts. I'm calling off pills, cutting, harming..punching myself. Downgrades and all of my episodes. I'm making them stop. Its going to be hard, I can already tell the urges will get strong. The only thing I can honestly ask for is support right now. This is a really big and important and hard decision for me.