hey (*t*?)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by *dilligaf*, Aug 7, 2006.

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  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    hey im new here and having a bad day so thought id introduce myself....
    i'm sam, 19 and i have been self-harming for about 4 years but only recently got bad.
    i'm trying to get help for it, even though im not sure i want to, i don't know what i'm expecting from this-but every little helps!!
    i am feeling so depressed and suicidal. i am a main carer for my nan who i live with who has terminal lung cancer. i dont think that i wouldleave her to cope with it all by herself but i have made plans to end it all the day she passes away.
    in the mean time i will just carry on ploddint through this awful life with cutting myself as the only relase of all the emotions!
    i hate myself, im fat, ugly, selfish, useless and worthless (shall i carry on?!?!)
    all well as all this im desperate to lose weight...i have lost 3 stone in about 7 months but its notenough. i brought myself a treadmill. most of the time i only eat when someone makes me (im not anorexic, my nan USUALLY makes me!) and i did once try making myself sick but i couldnt even do that properly.
    anyway im sorry for saying all that
    sam x x x
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hi Sam, welcome to the forum.

    Sounds like you're going through a bad time at the moment. Depression hazes the mind and makes us believe that we are bad, ugly, worthless... etc... but in reality we are not these things and when we feel this way, we need someone from outside our brain to give us an unbiased opinion. I don't think your worthless at all. You're living with your nan and it sounds like it's not an easy time for either of you with her illness and I'm sure she appreciates you being with her - that's one reason why you are NOT worthless and I'm sure there are many more, you just need someone from outside of yourself to let you know it. :)

    Is there any reason why you're depressed? I mean, is it your living situation, worried about your nan, or another reason? As for self harming, I understand about not wanting the help and you can only truely stop when you, in yourself, feel ready to. There's no point in people telling you to stop when you don't want to because it doesn't help matters. I do suggest you check out the stickys in the top of this forum, especially what to do in a crisis.

    Take care of yourself, I hope you find the support you need and deserve here. Feel free to drop me a PM anytime.
  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    hey resistance,
    thanx for all that but i still believe i am all those things!!
    a lot of it is because of my nan, some of it is the way i feel about myself. and then there are other things that i don't wanna go through ith everyone...my dad has been ill and i blame myself, my mum and me dont get on, problems with a bloke, fair-weather friends etc etc x x x
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