hey (*t*?)

[*dilligaf*]

hey, this is my first time here and thought i would introduce myself
i'm sam, 19 and i have been self-harming for about 4 years but only recently got bad.
i'm trying to get help for it, even though im not sure i want to, i don't know what i'm expecting from this-but every little helps!!
i am feeling so depressed and suicidal. i am a main carer for my nan who i live with who has terminal lung cancer. i dont think that i wouldleave her to cope with it all by herself but i have made plans to end it all the day she passes away.
in the mean time i will just carry on ploddint through this awful life with cutting myself as the only relase of all the emotions!
i hate myself, im fat, ugly, selfish, useless and worthless (shall i carry on?!?!)
all well as all this im desperate to lose weight...i have lost 3 stone in about 7 months but its notenough. i brought myself a treadmill. most of the time i only eat when someone makes me (im not anorexic, my nan USUALLY makes me!) and i did once try making myself sick but i couldnt even do that properly.
i dont want to live anymore-but i know that i cant do anything about it at the moment..and that makes me even more depressed.
im sorry, i just needed to get that out! x x x

 

[LIVE LIVE LIVE]

Your 19 years old with all the time in the world to make it better and i beleave that everyone has a meaning in life and nobody should end life early because they haven't found it yet.

trust me find help and most of all live

 

[*dilligaf*]

thank you for that but i just dont want to be here anymore. im just pushing on until the day i can go and i know that means i am half waiting for my nan to die and i HATE myself even more for that!
i sometimes sit looking at a packet of tablets which i know i cant takeyet and a razor which i know wont help, yet i still cut and its pathetic x

 

[LIVE LIVE LIVE]

I knew a person who fealt exactly like you did and atempted suicide twice.

That was 4 years ago now he is perfectly happy and things are really looking up for him and most of all hes enjoying life.

I know you feal like this now but it will get better if you want it too.

 

[Forgotten_Man]

Hmmm well welcome... it is good you decided to stop by.

My advice for you is don't do anything you wouldn't want to do... minus living because you have no choice at the current moment.

I hope that you will find what you are looking for in this forum I know many of the people here will give it their best... for some of us this site is all that keeps us going...

 

[Maja]

Hey Sam,

Sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with things at the moment. It can be really stressful to care for an ill family member. Sounds like your nan is really lucky to have such a caring grandson. It seems like she gives you a reason to live. What are some of the other things in your life that can give you hope and can overwhelm the desire to kill yourself?

Take care Sam! :biggrin:

 

[*dilligaf*]

thank you all for your kind words.i have a bad memory but the person who said what else can i find in my life to enjoy..i can't seem to enjoy anythingat the moment..it all seems so pointless.i used to enjoy going out with friends (but i dont wanna leave my nan), or reading (but i cant concentrate) etc. x