Hey there, I want help

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by luisff, May 12, 2015.

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  1. luisff

    luisff New Member

    I'm 20, brazilian boy, my english isn't too good so I'm sorry for mistakes or things that you don't understand

    It has been so unbearable to exist, so distressful, the pain I feel is bloodcurdling, I don’t see any perspective, no future worth, I can’t see conditions to hold on more endurance decades of my life, I would like to make me go away, because there isn't bigger suffering in me than knowing that one day I had been born, that one day I started to exist, being human is think the suffering itself, and that’s terrible, because knowing how to think, sometimes, is a way to go deeper in yourself and your pain. I do not want nothing from my life, I am tired of the daily obligations, nothing makes me feel pleasure or motivated. I beg, something gives me salvation, my pain grows each day, I can’t hold on any longer, I fear to attempt to myself, I fear because death brings the notion of non-being, and non-being is a tempting burden that in a kind of way gets myself crazy while I still am.
     
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Welcome to SF :hug: your english is very good. I am sorry you are in so much pain. What is making you hurt so badly? Why are you so sad?
     
  3. luisff

    luisff New Member

    I remember feeling sad since I was a little boy, in the age of 5-6, I already felt at that age that I wanted to die, I woke up several days just wishing not to live, and this when I was a kid, this feeling grew with the time and it started to become worse when I was 15, but at that age I could felt beauty in my sadness, and things started to get really crude, graceless, and 18 until here it just worsened, I went to psychologist for 3 years and now I moved for a big city for college and with all these feelings I always had there is the feeling of changing, adaptation. I also was diagnosticated with borderline personality disorder, everything I feel I feel too much, a little thing can bring me to darkness, I have too much fear of loneliness, rejection, denial.
     
  4. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    You're certainly not alone in having those feelings! I'm sure you'll find plenty of people here who can understand what you're going through.
     
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