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Hey there.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Abbadon, Feb 26, 2013.

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  1. Abbadon

    Abbadon Member

    Hello everyone,

    Don't know how to start this letter, but here goes nothing. I'm 23 years old, living with my parents, taking accounting in college and working for money under the table rarely from time to time. Most often than that I feel...sad, the fact that I don't have any real interest and can't push myself along, if it was me, I'd probably just stay at home all day and watch videos on youtube or something. My only "motivation" really is fear and my parents. Fear of being homeless, fear of being broke. Pretty much the fear of when I'll need to use a rat as a pillow or something.

    And, most important, I feel like I lack love. I don't love my parents and the rest of my family like I feel like a should. I don't know...maybe I'm not meant to love. If you don't love yourself, you can't possibly love others, or at least it's very hard to. Well, we all wish for the best, but unfortunately the best...ah whatever, look at me, trying to be a smart-ass.

    Anyway, just wanted to type this out, as it made me feel slightly better. I don't promise that I'll stick around, as I'm not much of a talker, and my silence around people is I think some sort of phobia of mine. I don't even want to be around old friends, I've stumbled upon one of them in quite a while, while going to school, and felt the need to chit-chat and felt incredibly awkward in the process. But I will definitely come back to read posts on the forum here and there.

    I'm sorry, I feel like I shouldn't be here, I'm sure that there are a lot of people here who have worse problems than me and barely have a roof over their heads.

    Until next time.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Abb and welcome...firstly, you deserve to be here as much as anyone else...pain is not a contest and all pain should be respected...many times, when a person cannot sense love, it is because of some factors that stopped him/her from having that modeled or created distrust and fear (e.g. seemingly emotionless parents not demonstrating that affection is OK to show, etc.) but loving can be learned...because of my very traumatic childhood, I had a lot of attachment and trust issues and I feared loving...being out of control and triggering past events...those were my experiences which might be very different than yours...my point is that it is worth the journey to find out what is operating for you...you deserve to be loved and love...I hope you do stay around and get more comfortable here...welcome again, with caring and understanding
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Hi Abbadon, welcome to SF. I can relate to a lot of what you said, in terms of not being motivated to do much, or a fear of being alone and unloved. Please don't compare your problems to others...everyone has different problems, but that doesn't mean anyone's problems are of less importance. I hope you keep posting and that it will help you.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i hope you do keep posting and talking to us hun it helps to release the thought sometimes welcome to sf hun
  5. Abbadon

    Abbadon Member

    Thank you for the kind words...It helps :D
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, and welcome to the forums x
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