Hey there

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by bigbadaboom, Oct 21, 2008.

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  1. bigbadaboom

    bigbadaboom Guest

    well I need to take this load off my chest , I don't know if any will read all of it ( long )

    I'm a 17 years old kid living in a shitty country , anti social ( haven't been out for months )
    well I was a fine good looking boy whom girls send love letters and flirt with at school ( and what a rat hole the school is ) until my acne got severe , now I'm sitting here being the deformed freak , sure it's teen acne that will go , but it'll leave my face like the moon surface filled with holes
    I never go out , I stay home everyday in front of the computer talking to people , watching movies/TV shows or playing video games
    hell I don't even see my family that much since I'm at the upper floor pretty much alone , I wake up only at nights when everyone is asleep to get my food and go on with my routine , I must admit I feel comfortable like this
    but school started a month ago and here I am still sitting here, I'll be pizza face
    my parents are getting annoyed and are threatening to kick me out since there's no point for them to spend money on me if I don't go to school , and my mother can be a real ass hole , telling me that she doesn't give a shit if I kill myself or disappear forever , she doesn't know how much it hurts because I don't show it, and showing any kind of depression or opening to them is impossible it's gonna be all my fault and plus all sort of crap , getting angry and yelling at me
    my mood changes , from depressed to angry to cold
    I know I should go to school , but my face isn't something I can show , last time we went to visit family I felt that everyone was disgusted by my face from their look that I had to go sit alone somewhere else nobody could see
    I'm not suicidal , well few thoughts here and there when I get depressed by not enough to make me do it
    I just want to live in a fucking cave somewhere people can't bother me , and my cave is my room now and it's about to get taken from me , I know life goes on we have to grow up sometimes
    my school is a public one, my parents can't get me in a private one , it's full of the filthiest scum you can imagine , so stupid and aggressive you'd think they're animals, and it's dirty with teachers angry and also aggressive, following a lesson is next to impossible , there are 50 or more students in one class and guess who's doing what , a lot of noise and crap makes the teacher just give up and so is getting a job, if you're planning being a doctor then you better be rich...very rich, bribe your way to getting a job or welcome to unemployment ville
    my parents are paying loads of money on my sister's rent and stewardess school, can't get me into a private school
    this might sound like nothing to complain about to you but looking forward to an empty future of unemployment and shit life isn't something I think I can do for long
    I feel like I'm born in the wrong place, the very wrong place , I guess that's when how your life is gonna go on is decided , it's pretty much shit so far
    I do have friends , one is a med student and others are fail like me , but not the close friends you can open to , they'll just use your weakness and laugh behind your back about it
    the only thing keeping me alive so far is this computer , providing enough entertainment for each day
    my parents are gonna give me the boot eventually , well I guess they can't deal with another "fail" like my big sister , she's completed school and all but still can't find a job , so she's still living here with my parents , rather sad really
    well I guess if the pressure gets more than this I'm outta here to lead a life of violent crime and die young.....not something I'd enjoy doing ..far from it
    well this ladies & gentlemen is the birth of a fail villain, you are now aware that not everyone is born is nice suburbs in an evolved country and have many chances to become something and feel good about himself and his life
    but yet still some still go emo for no reason, or over gf bf stuff. no offense, but it's rather pathetic really..
    as for suicide, I'm already dead and failed at life, although I have a brain that learns incredibly fast and speak 3 languages and I'm capable of many things , the number of obstacles in the way is far too much for me to get through
    that's pretty much it ...I thank you all
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2008
  2. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Hello bigbadaboom.

    I'm surprised to find another shut in with severe acne.
    My acne is genetic and sadly it will never go away.
    Being deformed means I can never be beautiful.

    It's hard not to give up when life is painful.
    I hope you find happiness.
    Acne doesn't make you a failure.
    But it sure damages your chances.
     
  3. bigbadaboom

    bigbadaboom Guest

    I got it from my parents too , even tho both of my sisters don't have it , talk about luck in life....
    with all the shit that I went through ( violent childhood abuse ) and what I'm going through right now ( deformed anti social freak ) to the upcoming big crap ( unemployment , empty shit life ) it's too much it makes me laugh....yeah I'm going crazy
    but god damn...
    it is very sad to know that you were only brought up to this world to suffer and that nothing good ever comes out of it and that you're really surrounded with shit 360° degrees that there's absolutely no way out , shit in each direction
    oh well ..there goes my angry suicidal thoughts again..
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2008
  4. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Yeah it seems like you can't succeed in life.
    I have honestly given up on everything.
    I'd rather be dead then be forced to settle.

    Looking in the mirror is hard enough.
    Life has become a chore. A game of hide and seek.
     
  5. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    Wat languages do u speak maybe you can be a translator in some other country.
     
  6. bigbadaboom

    bigbadaboom Guest

    English , French , Arabic
    I live in north Morocco
    ( I'm not an arab I'm an Amazigh )
    I could be used in anti-Terrorism missions alright

    unfortunately it isn't that simple to find such a job, I'm pretty sure all seats are taken,
    besides getting a Visa and citizenship in another country is next to impossible unfortunately

    BioHomocide hang in there buddy

    I gotta say that I feel ashamed to say where I live, because sometimes it just changes the way people perceive me and in most of cases it does that in a negative way
    " oh another turd-worlder " it makes me sick and I'm tired of being degraded like that
    I hope this is different
     
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