Life, on a conceptual level, has always seemed absurd to me. I've always felt that most people go about their lives like clockwork automatons following arbitrary rules and routines that were determined long before they were even born. I feel detached and empty, like i'm not a complete person. I feel like some kind of outside observer of humanity. The wort part is i can't explain why I feel this way. I have plenty of genuine, caring, friends and a loving family but i feel alone and empty like i can't really connect with others. I hate myself because of it. Everything seems so superficial. I think about death often (usually my own) and in an extremely detached and analytical way. I don't want to die but most of the time i just don't want to exist. I wish people didn't care about me. I wish i was still human enough to cry. I've never told anybody that i feel this way. Nobody knows.