Have been severely depressed for about 15 years, Been having suicidal thoughts for the last four years, don't think I'm going to make it to four and a half, there's a big back story but I'm pretty much beyond going into it. I'm surprised I hung on this long, have already made some plans and started to prepare for it. I would only think about it every couple of months, then that changed to every week to day to every hour. I keep trying to come up with a shred of reason to keep going but be damned if I could name it. To be honest I feel guilty of attempting interaction with others at this stage, I am already putting a lot of people into a situation they would rather not learn about.