Discussion in 'Welcome' started by over it, Mar 4, 2014.

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  1. over it

    over it New Member

    Have been severely depressed for about 15 years, Been having suicidal thoughts for the last four years, don't think I'm going to make it to four and a half, there's a big back story but I'm pretty much beyond going into it.
    I'm surprised I hung on this long, have already made some plans and started to prepare for it. I would only think about it every couple of months, then that changed to every week to day to every hour.

    I keep trying to come up with a shred of reason to keep going but be damned if I could name it.

    To be honest I feel guilty of attempting interaction with others at this stage, I am already putting a lot of people into a situation they would rather not learn about.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Hi and warm welcome over it..death is a permanent state of nothingness.. Do not want that for you at all..

    Have you tried any psych help and or meds for the depression?? I have done both in my 66 years and both helped a ton..

    Please stay safe and reach out for some help now.
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I am glad you found this community. People here can say things and not be worried about putting people in a bad situation when they are honest. Thats the value of this community. People here understand.

    One of the things that keeps me from attempting is that i know full well the rate of success is very low. I also know that permanant damage often happens during an attempt which makes life so much more challenging. living with pain they were in. And then the pain of the damage they incurred during the attempt. I do not want that.

    But that does not change the feelings of wanting to end it.... the only way I can personally think of to end the pain. Although I have been told there are other ways. And to be honest with you, I believe that. I wish that for us all. Relief while still alive. I am sorry you are in so much pain. But I am glad you found your way here to this community
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello OVER IT,
    I am glad that you have come to this forum. You will meet a lot of nice people here. I used to be suicidal. I have found hope since then, and it has changed my life forever! Don't give up. ((Hug))
  5. over it

    over it New Member

    So I've stopped eating regularly, barely have a bowl of cereal for breakfast most days. I'm already underweight so don't know how long this can go.

    It's all gotten on top finally, recent death has just tipped me over combined with nowhere to live in less than a months time.

    I don't know where to go from here. Whatever "quality of life" I had is about to end badly.

    I have blinding migraines and headaches all of the time my head feels hot and my body shivers, my blood pressure is high and I can always hear my pulse, constant extreme anxiety causing me to literally lock up, panic attacks to hyperventilation to being unable to use my hands or walk and usually passing out. Throwing up in the shower from stress because my mind starts running away. Sleep walking.

    I cannot have traditional medications for depression or anxiety, they make me display flu symptoms profuse sweating confusion and locks up every single muscle in my body, plus they do nothing to change my past experiences or current position. They would only make me physically worse at this stage.
  6. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hi again Over it,

    My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you are going through an extremely hard time. I do encourage you to eat better. You may have headaches from dehydration and hunger. I get both if I don't keep my body satisfied.
    May I ask you something? What brought you to this point? I used to punish myself in similar ways because I hated myself and my situation. Hurting myself was the only way to have some kind of control. If by some small chance this is why you are acting the way you are. May I say that you can have control. It will take time, but it is possible.
    I do care, and I hope that you will give living another shot. :hug:
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi just want to say you are very strong to hold on ok sometimes you just have to take each minute and get through it when that min is up you know you can get through another one
    I do hope you continue to talk to us so you are not alone in the battle ok hugs
  8. over it

    over it New Member

    There is nothing left for me here, I have pushed away friends, I don't want to see my family anymore. There is no help or hope. This is my suicide note I am not going to leave one where I die this is it....

    It's taken me a while to realize I have nothing to say but I'm sorry for involving anyone who responded to this.

  9. soulreaper

    soulreaper Well-Known Member

    I read the book " the art to happiness" in the book they speak of compassion for humans along with kindness and to be able to relate to each other as humans on the basic lvl that we all want affection, happiness and love. if you can relate and agree everybody wants to be loved then you can relate to all humans, finding meaning in your suffering and pain we feel for ourselvies and others, teaches us the lesson 1. not to take things to seriously and 2. both good and bad influences teach us a lesson so we may grow stronger.
  10. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    Hello and Welcome to the Forum! :)
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