My name is Ivy. I'm barely 15 years old (only a few weeks shy). I know I'm younger than most, but I guess it's good that I found this site so soon. The whole, detailed spiel on why I'm here will be saved for the other thread, but for now, I want to reach out to people who can understand my loneliness and sadness. This isn't to say that my depression stems from being a loner in high school. On the contrary, I could be considered popular. But that makes it all the worse. Because even with the circle of friends I do have, I can't talk to them about how I feel as they won't understand. These are honors kids whose parents are college-educated and wealthy enough to care about them everyday without resorting to verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. These are kids whose biggest problem right now is whether this player of a guy will finally ask them out. With all of this, I always put up a facade around them, and whenever I let out a little tidbit, it goes unnoticed. People have this certain perception of me, and I don't want to ruin it. And lately, especially in the summers, I don't have their problems to distract me from my own, and the abuse just gets worse and worse. It hit its climax a few days ago, and the ideas of how I want to die just keep pouring in more than usual. I had these thoughts for years, but it never got this bad. I keep imagining ways to die, and for a while back, I had a bout of self-harm, but I stopped when PE started and I had to change in the locker room. I don't really enjoy living anymore. I gave up on things I loved. I try to imagine myself in a different life just so I can get through the day. I swallowed books whole just to live the life of the characters. But I think now I realize that I need to stop pushing off the inevitable and handling this alone. I hope I'll have a great experience on this forum. Have a good day, guys.