Hey

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Closed01, Mar 25, 2008.

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  1. Closed01

    Closed01 Member

    So, I have MDD (major depressive disorder). I take a/d's, I am suicidal and very depressed despite DBT therapy, seeing a psych once a month and aforementioned meds. I am currently trying to fight for my life because I don't want to kill myself. I just want to stop feeling so much pain.

    The pain is caused because of my family issues (emotional crap) that started over 3 years ago. It's a long story, but basically my mom is a prime candidate for bipolar yet she refuses to be treated. So all my life I've dealt with her ups and downs, I started to question/doubt myself at a very young age (which killed my self-confidence) and I feel guilty about everything. Hell, I feel guilty about giving y'all more problems to deal with :dry:

    Then we stopped speaking to my mom's side of the family after a big fight 3 years ago. She never got along with them, but I sorta liked them. They would talk to me and help me deal with my problems. Even today, I miss the 'big family' feel I had with them (9 uncles and aunts, tons of cousins, etc) and holidays are a lot different now. Less people, less cheer, less warmth.

    Recently, I got so down that I couldn't concentrate, so I'm failing school. I don't have any motivation, and therefore I dropped out of my piano classes which I've been taking for 10 years (and I miss it very much). I can't think of a future. I have never been in a relationship, and I've accepted that I'm unattractive, boring and will never be in one, because no one would ever put up with someone like me.

    My parents don't really understand. Seriously, no teen angst included. Dad thinks that more exercise and a healthy diet will fix everything, and that I should still be able to do well in school even if I'm depressed. Mom thinks it's a stage and I should 'snap out of it'. She's disconnected from me, and sometimes goes days without talking more than a few lines to me (even when we're in the same house all the time). Both of them don't acknowledge my feelings unless I'm sobbing uncontrollably or yelling at them.

    So...I need help, I guess. After all the 'help' i'm getting in therapy, from meds, with my psych, nothing's helping. I want to try this forum out, even though I'm not usually a forum-type person...


    That being said, I'm generally a very nice, caring person. So I'd be super happy to help anyone out if they need someone to talk to or rant to. It's not a burden for me, I like making people feel better and so PM me if you need to rant/vent/talk/whisper about something. I won't be overwhelmed, and remember that talking about suicide doesn't make one more suicidal. It provides relief that others can listen and acknowledge the problem. I give pretty good advice, and I'm a good listener.

    That's pretty much it. One more thing, actually. If anyone can give me some ways to cope with being really low/depressed (late at night, when you can't call anyone) I'd really appreciate it. I just want to see if there's something new I can try, because top be honest I'd like to make it through a lot more nights without suicide.

    Thanks so much, and remember PM me if anyone wants to talk.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2011
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    Welcome to the forum :hug:

    At night why don't you try coming on here? Sitting in chat or posting helps me a lot. Write? Read a book? Watch a film? www.miniclip.com << play online games?

    Hope one of those ideas help you.

    Take care

    Sam x
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2011
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    welcome to the forum :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2011
  4. Closed01

    Closed01 Member

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    I'm going to try to post when I feel really bad. Unfortunately, when I'm depressed I can't write or read properly. Thank you both for your support :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2011
  5. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    Welcome to the forum :smile:

    I hope you get the support you deserve here, and remember to always take help when you need it, as well as giving.

    Even if you're not in a position to talk/post here, I find it helpful to just be on chat, not necessarily saying anything, but just to be around people (even if it is in a metaphorical sense)

    Take care of yourself
    Lauren
     
  6. x.R.x

    x.R.x Well-Known Member

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    :hiya: welcome!
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    oh, btw, if that is your real last name, you should remove it because the moderators will remove it anyway, we are not allowed to say our last name ,just so you know:smile: :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2011
  8. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    Welcome to SF, sweetie!! :hug:
     
  9. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    Welcome to the forum
     
  10. Dragonslayre

    Dragonslayre New Member

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    Hi,

    You have to realise that the only person that can do something about your problems is you.

    If you are feeling depressed late at night, it's probably because you are starting to feel tired - GO TO SLEEP. Sleeping is good for you :)

    You get more of what you focus on. If you keep focusing on how depressed you are, you'll just get more of it ok.

    Stop talking yourself down. Write up a list of all the things you are good at, and all the things that you enjoy. If you love playing piano - then PLAY IT! If you liked talking to your relatives - then talk to them.

    I emphasize once more, The ONLY person that can make you feel better - is you. If you really hate being depressed, then you will change. Think of all the good things that you are stopping yourself from doing - all the opportunities you will miss if you never give things a go.

    Stop saying "I can't" and start saying, " I will " - and schedule it - write down a time that you will actually do it. E.g. Say "tonight at 5pm I will find and call a piano tutor/ Register on some piano site" - You decide it's your life.

    How do you know that exercise and a healthy diet wont change anything??? give it a go - decide what you'd like to do and schedule it!


    Once again, you are the only person that can change you. So what are you waiting for? Get your Nike boots on! "Just Do It"
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2011
  11. Dragonslayre

    Dragonslayre New Member

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    Good example of where you should change. Instead of telling people how bad your feel, Come on here and tell us about the good things in your life/ or what you're grateful for.
     
  12. Closed01

    Closed01 Member

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    heh...I get what you're saying. But realize it's hard to do that, especially when you don't think anything is good. I mean, I tend to analyze things as a habit (a very hard habit to break) and I immediately weigh the good and the bad points of my life, so when I'm depressed I see more bad, then I figure my life is bad, etc.

    I would talk to my relatives, except that my grandmother moved and I no longer have her address. Also, there's so much shit on mom's side that I doubt it would do any good to open up communication lines. You see, it goes back also to when my mom was little and disliked HER mom, my grandma.

    Like I mentioned before, the problem when I'm depressed is that I don't want to do anything, nor do I want to try anything because I don't think it'll make a difference or it's not worth it. It sounds like I'm being lazy, and weak, and indecisive, I know. But when I feel depressed, I can't will myself to do much. It's not so much wanting to stay in bed, but more like not being able to push yourself out of bed.

    In my therapy group (DBT), we are trying to do stuff like that. Like, making a set schedule and sticking to it. Telling yourself positive things, thinking of other stuff, etc. I sincerely hope it works. Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate it and I will try to make an effort.
     
  13. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    I find nights are hardest to deal with too. Some nights I come on to the forum and post or go into chat. Some nights I walk (maybe not the brightest thing to do at 3 AM). Sometimes just finding friends on MSN that are willing to chat helps get through the rough spots. The main thing is finding something to do that occupies your mind and does not let it settle in the dark abyss of depression. Wandering alone in your mind can be a dangerous thing. You can usually find someone here to talk with just about any time of day or night. One of the great things about this site. :hug:
     
  14. Closed01

    Closed01 Member

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    yeah, this site is pretty reassuring in some ways :hug: I'm always grateful for the people on MSN or on SF at 2am willing to hear your problems out.

    Night used to be quite peaceful for me, but I think too much about stuff these days. I've tried meditation, but it doesn't seem to help...

    Walking would be nice, except y'know...the neighbourhood at dark...so...not really.
     
  15. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    Cool name! :biggrin: Welcome!
     
  16. Dragonslayre

    Dragonslayre New Member

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    Analyzing things isn't a bad thing, you've just got to twist it in the right way. When 'bad' things happen to you, you should analyze them. If you never do anything about it though, it wont go away. See the 'bad' things as opportunities to improve a part of your life. Think of ways that you can improve the bad things in order to make your life better.

    You need motivation to do this - listen to some motivational life coaches. This will allow you to get the courage and fire to push yourself.

    So does your grandmother not have a phone?

    Just because your mother has had a bad relationship, doesn't mean that you have to. You should tell your mother that you know that she didn't have a good relationship, but that you'd like one - and that your mother doesn't have to play any part in it.

    More motivation - you need someone putting good words into your head. Get an Anthony Robbins cd and listen to it when you're down.

    You know that you've got a lot of potential, and I'm sure that you know it. You've just got to know that you deserve it, and to truly believe it. Knowledge is not power, it is only the potential for power.
     
  17. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    Re: Hey (GaleFrost)

    Welcome to SF! Glad you found us :)

    Caroline
     
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