So, I have MDD (major depressive disorder). I take a/d's, I am suicidal and very depressed despite DBT therapy, seeing a psych once a month and aforementioned meds. I am currently trying to fight for my life because I don't want to kill myself. I just want to stop feeling so much pain. The pain is caused because of my family issues (emotional crap) that started over 3 years ago. It's a long story, but basically my mom is a prime candidate for bipolar yet she refuses to be treated. So all my life I've dealt with her ups and downs, I started to question/doubt myself at a very young age (which killed my self-confidence) and I feel guilty about everything. Hell, I feel guilty about giving y'all more problems to deal with :dry: Then we stopped speaking to my mom's side of the family after a big fight 3 years ago. She never got along with them, but I sorta liked them. They would talk to me and help me deal with my problems. Even today, I miss the 'big family' feel I had with them (9 uncles and aunts, tons of cousins, etc) and holidays are a lot different now. Less people, less cheer, less warmth. Recently, I got so down that I couldn't concentrate, so I'm failing school. I don't have any motivation, and therefore I dropped out of my piano classes which I've been taking for 10 years (and I miss it very much). I can't think of a future. I have never been in a relationship, and I've accepted that I'm unattractive, boring and will never be in one, because no one would ever put up with someone like me. My parents don't really understand. Seriously, no teen angst included. Dad thinks that more exercise and a healthy diet will fix everything, and that I should still be able to do well in school even if I'm depressed. Mom thinks it's a stage and I should 'snap out of it'. She's disconnected from me, and sometimes goes days without talking more than a few lines to me (even when we're in the same house all the time). Both of them don't acknowledge my feelings unless I'm sobbing uncontrollably or yelling at them. So...I need help, I guess. After all the 'help' i'm getting in therapy, from meds, with my psych, nothing's helping. I want to try this forum out, even though I'm not usually a forum-type person... That being said, I'm generally a very nice, caring person. So I'd be super happy to help anyone out if they need someone to talk to or rant to. It's not a burden for me, I like making people feel better and so PM me if you need to rant/vent/talk/whisper about something. I won't be overwhelmed, and remember that talking about suicide doesn't make one more suicidal. It provides relief that others can listen and acknowledge the problem. I give pretty good advice, and I'm a good listener. That's pretty much it. One more thing, actually. If anyone can give me some ways to cope with being really low/depressed (late at night, when you can't call anyone) I'd really appreciate it. I just want to see if there's something new I can try, because top be honest I'd like to make it through a lot more nights without suicide. Thanks so much, and remember PM me if anyone wants to talk.