Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by chloe21, Nov 12, 2009.

  1. chloe21

    chloe21 Well-Known Member

    I was as a little girl and I felt I was little girl couldn’t stop what happen to me and I suppose to do but I couldn’t do
    that at all. I’d suffer the punishment from both parts of my life doing to me and I have keep this secrets away from
    everyone I know in my life and if I told anyone about it I will be dead but I can’t keep it inside me all the time and I
    am so scared about it to my kids they might to help me but I won’t tell them about it and I will myself for it first
    about tells them and to stop others doing thing to other people but I can’t do that because I am so scared in my life and
    I hope I can get over what my dad did to me when I was little girl and from the 5 guys done to me as well and I hope one
    day they will go to jail and I thought I cause the problem but how to tell someone that you love that has happen to me and
    but I have tried to tell one person that my father has done to me when I was very young he thinks that I was making it up
    and why should I tell someone this has happen and I told my husband he understands what I am going through and he said you
    never have to go through that again in my life so I hope not and but the police think that made it up and I can’t tell the
    police anything anymore because they think I am lying about it now and I was not going to tell them about the five guys as
    well but I have to put up with it when I run in to them and I don’t think that I should be on my own anymore at centre link
    they will get me and take me away from the thing they said to do something to me again I hope not. I’ve done or said to
    feel guilty and bad from them. I should have been able to protect myself and stop it from happening to me. I am a female
    to stop it but I was too scared to do that because I had 5 guys on me so that is my fault let that happen to me so I should
    feel guilty person. I like to punish them for what they have done to me all my life from when I was little girl. I wish I
    was dead now and I can’t not do that because I have kids to look after and husband as well so I hope I don’t think that
    again and I feel so guilty every day and night every time as well and I saw three guys came past my home and I went out to
    get the mail and he said the he will get me when I on my own. I feel so bad that has happen to me and I always blame my
    fault it happen because I was wearing short clothes all my life and that why I was raped and sexual abuse all my life and
    been bashed by my ex boyfriend as well. But my life now is so great but I never will be bash by my husband he hasn’t done
    nothing like that to me and my kids at all he is good step father to my kids and to me as well and I like to put those guys
    in jail and my father as well but I don’t know where he live so I hope he dead I don’t care if he does it his fault for
    doing thing that he shouldn’t do that to any one at all.
  2. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hi Chloe,

    It sounds like you've had a very very bad time in your life, and i'm only glad you now have a kind husband and family which keeps you going. It also sounds as if you're both angry and scared, and that's a terrible situation. Do you feel up to telling us some more, talking about how you're feeling?
  3. D's

    D's Member

    Dear chole, I'm sorry to hear you were put through such fucking awful things.
    It seems like both of us are going through rough parts of our life atm.
    I've got a lot of things to do to in my life, and I'm afraid of what everyone is going to tell me, I really do not know what to think about my self. I want to tell myself that everything is going to be ok.

    Hang in there chole, i'm always around, pm me if u want to talk.