Discussion in 'Welcome' started by patnoodle, Mar 22, 2010.

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  1. patnoodle

    patnoodle New Member

    Hey, I'm kind of bad when it comes to introductions, so please forgive me for my ways :\

    First off, as you can tell, I'm Patnode. I'm a 22 year old (introverted) male originally from the States, and am currently in Seoul for a few years due to business. I was diagnosed manic depressive/bipolar a few years ago and was put on Lithium and Zoloft, but due to their effects on me (they turned me into a zombie), I quit cold turkey. Needless to say, my mentality has both jumped to unexpected heights and sank to lows I never thought possible. I am very open minded when it comes to music as I listen to absolutely everything. I am known as an easy person to talk to and can be quite stupid sometimes, as I love making people laugh/smile and have been dubbed an "emotional vampire" as I imitate the emotions and attitudes of those around me. I am married to THE most amazing woman in the world who has my back no matter what, and she has saved my life more times than I can count.

    My life is not that bad, I must admit. Things could obviously be worse, you know? I married the love of my life and I couldn't ask for anything more. However, these past couple of weeks have been kind of hard and I'm not sure if it's a "relapse" or what. Wednesday of last week, I decided to take a full bottle of 800mg Motrin and Promethazine. Rare combination, I know, but they were all that I had on me. I took them on the phone with my wife, and the only reason she really knew about it was because she heard the bottle stop shaking and asked how many I had taken.. now, I can't lie to my dear love, so I had to tell her. I also told her that I wasn't going to do anything about it because I was running late for a meeting. Her, being the amazing woman that she is, looked up the number for the company that I was reporting to and had them take me to the emergency room. It was there that I called her and had passed out on the phone with her. Her response to that was to call them and say, "my husband's passed out in your waiting room.. are you going to do anything about it?" - They hooked me up to an IV and left me there for a few hours, then released me to be on my own. My company then sent me to a behavioral doctor who asked me a few questions and then told me I was okay. My memory is absolutely shot; I can't remember what happened a couple of days ago, or hell, even a few hours ago. I have had a constant feeling of nausea, migraines, disorientation and chest pains.

    I don't really know what caused me to fall apart like this, honestly, and it scares me. What scares me even more is the fact that even though I have seen the effect that it has had on my love, I have the urge to do it again. Recently, my father has passed away in an auto accident, though we've been estranged for a little over a decade. I do not have that feeling of being a terrible son or the regret of not telling him things before he passed as I had already considered him "dead" to me. Also, my wife has been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), may have become infertile and could be developing cancer due to the disorder. I've brought the feeling up with my supervisors and they don't really know what to do. I took this job to provide for her, and I feel that if I continue to "act" this way, that I may be fired. Her family, who despised me in the past, will go back to hating me due to them "being right" about me in being a "psychotic nut." I have tried opening up and talking to my wife but she doesn't understand; she feels that it's her fault and that I want out of the relationship. She thinks that I don't love her anymore and that I have lost all will to live, but I haven't. I truly do wish to spend forever with her, but this feeling has completely dominated me. I've fallen apart before, and she's been there to literally slap the living crap out of me and console me, bringing me back to earth; however, she's not here to do it this time. She's due here in Korea within two months, though it has only taken me two weeks to break down. I don't trust myself that I could make it these 60 days.

    Well, that's pretty much it. Again, I'm terrible with introductions as you can tell. I do feel that I could learn a few things from a community such as this, though, if you'll have me. Thank you for your time and patience!
  2. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Hi. Welcome to sf. :)
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Welcome i do hope for you that you can get some councilling some therapy maybe get on some meds it works It is worth trying for your family to get some help take care
  4. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    Stick around here for a while as you get to know some really amazing people here. Welcome to SF!
  5. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    xxx Welcome xxx
  6. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF! I believe you'll find people who will understand and support you.

    I am also BiPolar and it has taken many, many med changes to get me leveled out. You might want to rethink meds. As what works for one person may not work for another. The right medication could give you some relief IMHO.

    Once again, welcome. And come to chat sometimes you would be welcome there.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums Anthony..You really need to see a shrink about this.. They will put you on meds, just keep in mind it takes six to eight weeks before they start working..Please don't harm yourself.. Your wife would be devastated.. It's rare to find that kind of love..Take care!!
  8. patnoodle

    patnoodle New Member

    Thank you all for your welcome to the community.

    I am being sent to see a doctor on Monday who will then diagnose me with whatever it is that I have, and it is that diagnosis that will determine whether or not I can continue working for my company or not. Regardless of the issue, I am not so much worried about keeping that.. the only promise that I want kept is treatment..anyway..

    Again, thank you all for your warm welcoming to the community. I do hope that we talk again :D
  9. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Welcome patnoodle,:1st: I'm new too, seems like there's quite a few people and threads to read, reading some has calmed me down, good place to start. Your intro was quite good and open, doesn't look like you have any problems with intros, let us now how everything goes.:IrishDoll:
  10. AtomicsAsylum

    AtomicsAsylum Account Closed

    Welcome to the forum

  11. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF
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