I just registered on this forum as I am in the need of some help. My best friend is a girl and Im a guy. I totally love her with all my heart and I dropped everything I had going for me to help her with her situation. She has been getting better but of recent something came up and I stopped wanting to date her. We started to fight a lot now and that is all we do because I don't please her every need as I did back when I wanted to be with her. About 3 weeks ago we had our first big fight EVER. That night I went in the kitchen and xxx for about 10 minutes and then I cut my other leg. The pain helped me calm down for about 2 hours and then I started to get angry again. I feel that cutting myself is only a gateway to bigger things. We have xxxx in my house and I had it out that night. I was very close xxxx my life but I didn't. We ran xxx awhile back and haven't xxx until my uncle went to the range this past week. I'm concerned that next time I loose it with her I might just xxxx. It feels like she doesnt care about me. Last thursday night she made a promise we would chat on friday night. On friday night come to find out she ditched me for another guy. She chose some dude over ME! Its been about 3 days or so and I have been depressed since that day. Tonight it got really bad because on facebook she posted a picture with her and the other guy. She is talking to him but has ignored me since last thursday. I feel as she is choosing him over me and it makes me pissed off. I was pacing back and forth right now and a friend called me concerned. She talked to me for a bit and that was enough until I got off the phone and I started to become consumed in anger again. I want to die.... somehow... I fall asleep every night to the thoughts of just xxxx and dying. I really need some help/advice. A friend suggested professional help but I can't afford it. This is just about my last resort before I kill myself.