Hey...

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41021

Banned Member
#3
Where do i begin
to tell the story
of a life so fucked and screwed
the g_damned story of
a reckless life

sorry
i am sooooo
messed up
lost
actually i think the operative word is; sorry phrase; messed up
it's not even worth talking about
they are just words
which do not convey feeling
which do not convey much of anything



ugh that says it all
ugh

actually
honestly?

I am truly losing it
honest.
me..
who has never lost it completely
i am losing...no
i have lost it
 

41021

Banned Member
#5
my gut says to scream at the top of my lungs;

HELP


My senses tell me;
quiet
quiet
shhhh
just...take your marlin, feed her, and go to the pond while it is still dark, and the world sleeps
 

Fitzy

Well-Known Member
#7
Screaming can be sooooooooo therapeutic!
Scream and let it all out - not the other option please x
 
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41021

Banned Member
#10
Much love to all of you. Just wanted to stop by and send a great big, yet gentle; ******hug****** for each of you. Then perhaps we all share one big group hug?

Wanted to thank each one of you as well. It does help, to know there are people who care enough to verbalize a few words of support, and this does mean a great deal to me, as it helps me to not feel so much alone.

I don't feel so well. I am trying hard. Honestly. I just do not feel so well atm.

Exhausted. Tired. Sadness. Fear. ...but there are moments interjected with positive, forward thinking thoughts :)

...and sometimes, i just feel so alone, which is rather a foreign feeling to me.

Do know, i am trying.

I hold each of you close to me heart. Sending uplifting thoughts to all for a brighter day today. Hope your struggles are not so difficult today.

Thank you to each of you **hugs** from me to you!
 

41021

Banned Member
#13
***HUGS*** Dave_N and ~Young-Violet~ and everyone!! Thank you for checking on me :console::hug:

Been doing fairly well considering, although up and down. Had been fairly stable, able to get a grip when i begin losing it. I have been quite exhausted and a bit ill. Weeks behind checking emails, returning calls, letters, doing any kind of work, etc.

I'm not into New Year's resolutions, but considering it's been one year since i've actually done much of anything, engaged with my life, or consistently done my work, I have come up with a few small ones which I have been trying to focus on...even when i'm not feeling too well and having a difficult time.

So, then, ugh, egh, ugh...two nights ago turned rather poorly and been kind of trying to fight it off since that time. Yesterday major trigger. I've had some assist with this, and it has been rather helpful in keeping me grounded...although right now, I am back on my own hoping i can do this.

For some reason, i suspect perhaps i am vulnerable and sensitive at the moment, as well as utterly exhausted, i've been having some mild (?) ptsd issues which lead to feeling rather down. It's been been many many years since anything has served as a trigger. This past year i've had some difficulty with this, although understandably. A few things this week, and yesterday hit rather hard, and it's still quite intense at the moment :sad: I am trying. Kind of difficult when one is ill and exhausted. Just hope i can fight this.

The stuff in my head is being troublesome.

***hugs*** for all and i apologize i've not been very supportive lately. I'm just so very exhausted. Totally drained. It's even difficult to just type.
 
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