Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Acquiesce, Nov 14, 2011.

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  1. Acquiesce

    Acquiesce New Member

    Hi, everyone. I'm really sorry if my post comes off as a bit awkward - I'm generally not a very social person and I'm in tears at the moment, so I probably won't make too much sense. Feel free to ignore the following ramble, if you like. I know I probably shouldn't lump all this together in my first post but I just really needed to post this somewhere, and from what I've seen, this community seems incredibly supportive. I made this account about a month ago, but I haven't posted before because I was hoping that my suicidal thoughts would just go away by themselves. Unfortunately, they haven't.

    Thanks to the pressures and expectations of me from literally the first moment that I started school, I pretty much drove away all my friends because I wanted to impress my parents so badly. Throughout primary school I had one real friend (who I was very grateful for) and at my first secondary school I had a pretty stable group of friends, but at my current school I feel like I have no one. It's been nearly three years here, and yet...I feel just as lonely and wretched as I did when I was five years old. I'm fifteen now, but I feel so much older. It's not so much that I wasn't able to make friends at all - it's just that the invidiousness of high school gossip and constant backstabbing makes me want to give up on everything.

    I know not all friendship groups are like this, but years of social isolation have made me almost terrified to try and hang out with anyone new. So basically, I'm stuck in a friendship group where everyone ignores me unless they want help with their homework. They're not horrible people or anything, but...urgh.

    Lately, I've been feeling even worse than usual. While I've been too scared to seek professional help in case my parents/"friends" found out, I'm pretty sure I have depression. I haven't felt anything positive in over two years, and in the last couple of months I've ended up crying nearly every day. I've also started contemplating suicide, which is how I ended up here.

    I generally find it hard to admit that I need help, so even posting on this forum is a huge step for me. I really hope that I'll be able to stick around for long enough to help others too.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hi Acquiesce, welcome to suicide forums.. teenage years can be really darn hard often.. you seem to be older than the others in your existance . not chronologically but in mind and thoughts.. well here we have all ages adn points of view. hope you make some friends that are more true blue to you and with you..

    as far as the depression adn suicidal thoughts of yours, if this gets really bad and very hard to deal with for you , you probably need some professional help with this. i know!!! parents not a clue adn your fellow students and such will label you and make you feel even further out there by yourself then..

    let's call severe depression THE BEAST.. just cause it really is adn some meds and professional counseling can really help with this a heck of a lot.

    now that you are here, don't be a stranger and do some letting us know how things are going adn progressing for you with all of this.. take care, Jim
  3. Acquiesce

    Acquiesce New Member

    Thanks, Jim. Yeah, I agree with the part about teenage years being hard...I miss being three years old and not having a care in the world so much. But like you said, hopefully I'll be able to make some friends here.

    That's exactly it. I don't want to be judged, so I'm so scared of seeking help. If it gets any worse then I guess I'll have to find someone to confide in. I'm just not sure who. I think I'll definitely need some assistance in defeating the "beast".

    Thanks again! You take care, too. I'm not sure what your situation is, but I hope you're okay.
  4. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hi again Acquiesce.. i am fine at the moment.. hon, i am a relatively new person here on this website.. previously i was on another like this for about 8 yrs.. when i joined i was scared out of my mind and a mess...LOL got comfortable adn eventually ended up running support chats , abuse and depression forums and also running the helping hands programs for the newcomers..

    say this only to let you know there are many good people here who really do care about the members here. look around here and meet some people . find the forums which stike a good chord in you adn might need some attending to by ohter members there..

    you do not need to be all alone now. be a little caustious at first and careful just how far you open to everyone.. hopefully you will find some members that you eventually become good friends with. relationships here in 2D can be a whole lot easier to start with..

    i hope this place is good for you .. adn that you get to feeling safe and comfortable on here.. websites and the people there can do that.. i just met you adn i already care about you.. hope to hear more from you in the future.. later, Jim
  5. Acquiesce

    Acquiesce New Member

    Oh, wow...you seem like a very selfless, thoughtful person. So glad that you're finally feeling comfortable with everything!

    You're right; I'm starting to see just how supportive this forum is. It's been a while since I've been in a community where everyone is so accepting.

    I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. It's so sweet of you to say that you care. Hoping to hear more from you in the future too!

    I'm off to bed now...maybe some sleep will help. Things always seem better in the morning. :)
  6. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Welcome at SF Acquiesce,

    I think Jimk said it all! So I can only add that I hope you'll find our community both supportive and understanding and you will keep posting here. Sometimes just the act of being able to share our feelings bring relief. wish you well :)
  7. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Hi, Welcome to SF.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums!! Yea Jim haqs said it all.. We care..I guess thats why I there are so many people on here..If things do get bad you really need to tell your parents so they can get you some help..No one needs to know from your school.. Wishing you all the best..
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