Suffering from this infernal mindset has been a rocky road....no, more like a damn mountain!! Positive thoughts don't seem to exist only darkness, pain and anguish. I thought after trying everything possible out there, I would give this a go. My problem is that I hae sent many years disguising this illness to the outside world, painting a smile, when there was only dispair. Now that has all changed I find it so difficult now to paint!!! Maybe serious attempts have taken their toll, fear and embarrassment of wanting to take your own life and failing as you do in so many parts of your life, gives you an unrealistic perspective....who knows! Its difficult to care about anyone or anything if you can not even care for yourself.........Forgive my rambling and nonsense !!!