Hey...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Alex Ice, Jun 26, 2012.

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  1. Alex Ice

    Alex Ice New Member

    Hey everyone... My name is Alex, and I'm 18 years old. To say that my life feels a bit more bleak than normal would be a drastic understatement. For the past 7 years, I've been fighting off constant depression, mainly due to school related issues. Being bullied throughout school is possibly one of the hardest things to go through socially in current generation schools... I've tried committing suicide twice in middle school, and countless times in high school... I've always been to coward to carry it out though... leaving little more than hesitation scars... The reason for being bullied was my constantly questioned sexual orientation. It's been a depressing flip flop between men and women my whole life, and on more than one occasion breaking down into tears over it. Early January of this year, just before graduating High School, my daughter was born. The girl and I had had a previous affair, but didn't take off until after her conception. No one knew about the baby either, so it only made it so much harder. I've always been conflicted with depression, and even now I question what kind of people I truly like... I was never ready for a daughter, and being forced into this has only created more stress. Looking for a job. Trying to find a school. Dealing with my conflicting emotions. Those are the things swelling up inside, and I feel like I need to alleviate it. My Mother is too awkward to speak too about my sexuality and my Father got extremely mad at me when he found out. It feels like all of my friends have abandoned me and left me to the world since my daughters birth... I don't want to hurt everyone, but I can't take this much longer. I fear this stress is about to shove me over the edge. Even in writing this, I've already started to cry... I don't know what to do. I'm slowly creeping to the point of no return, and every time I think about that, It only suffices to discourage me more...

    I could just really use some help...
     
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Hi Alex and welcome.. Glad you have joined us..we take all comers here.. Lot of others here in bad situations also..wish you could get into therapy with someone really good at it.. Realize you probably have no health care insurance and very limited funds..just maybe a local mental health center at a real low cost..

    In the meantime try to stay safe and try to keep talking on here.. Jim
     
  3. Alex Ice

    Alex Ice New Member

    The thing is... I've tried therapy... but it's so ineffective to me. I know the tricks of the trade, how they operate. They can't make me feel better when I understand their psychological pushes. A calm, rational, soothing voice does nothing if I understand that it's meant to ease me into comfort. The most I can ask from doctors anymore is a Tetracyclic Antidepressant drug, and even that only works rarely... sometimes It makes it worse...
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think talking to a sexual therapist someone that could help you understand that part of you better would help ok NOone is ready for a chld really hun but ido hope you know how special it is to have a child and i hope for you and her you have a connection that grows hugs
     
  5. Alex Ice

    Alex Ice New Member

    I have spoken to a sexual therapist before. It's very apparent to me that if this relationship between me and my current lover ends, I'll have no will to return to dating women. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with it anymore...
     
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