Heya worldddd :D

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Entity, Nov 23, 2010.

  1. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    So today i think i might literally die? I'm just really tired of everything going wrong and everytime i get close to someone i lose them. So. I think ima try my damnest to stay away from people and stay closed and not let anyone in. I'm tired of sharing everything and then having nothing left afterwards but me getting more depressed. I'm not really sure what i'm going to do. Honestly I'm scared to death being here where i was raped i hate laying in my bed and i hate being in this house on this property and even in this city. i'm quite pathetic tbh. and about the first part of this. i was stupid. so majorly stupid. AGAIN. As if i haven't already gone through this enough i keep getting myself tumbled back in it. I'm not good enough for anyone ever lol i just need to get used to that I'm halfway close to just ending everything and yeah i know that probably sounds really stupid because you're thinking it's all over one girl. But it's not just her, and it's not her fault at all, it's just..i'm me.. I wish i would've never been born :( things would've been so much better. I wouldn't have fucked up so many relationships and lives. Things just would've been all around better. Why am i like this? Why am i me? Why can't i be good enough to keep one close friend..just one..that's all i want..but i don't deserve it and i'm slowly realizing that. i wish i would've realized it a long time ago. I think ima just have to keep everything bottled up again, don't tell anyone anything ever. I can come here and type but idk if i even want a phone anymore lol it's upsetting to have it coz people used to talk to me, and now, ha, i'm lucky if i can get a fly to buzz by my ear. I'm so ridiculously lonely. I can't stop shaking, crying. I've cut up my thigh to death now. And my brother..ugh..my big brother..I miss him like crazy too..we used to be really close and now he's gone and doesn't even seem to care about me anymore. But he has every right not to care about me. No one should care about me. and check it out. I'm slowly losing everyone like i always always always fucking do. So really i just ask myself what's the point anymore. i know the outcome of getting close. It's happened with everyone. My life best friend..she killed herself..coz of me. See how much i fuck up? :cry: I seriously have deserved every last bit of harm that's come to me. and that's just gonna have to be the end of that. Can it be the end of me? Can i disappear? Seriously, who would miss me? lol people would celebrate at my leave, so in all honesty i don't know what this means. But i know how shit i feel atm and i know what i'm thinking about. So. Maybe this might actually be a goodbye. but i hate it when people do that in chat, so i won't do that here. So thank you to everyone that has wasted their time on me :) it meant a lot to me to at least think that someone cared, thank you
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I've thought about this so much... but it's impossible to just disappear- even if that's all we want and it feels like we're not really here to begin with.

    Sorry you're in a bad place right now.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOur bro still loves you very much don't ever think he doesn't okay hang on okay keep coming here so you don't feel so alone. take care
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I don't know how many time i have to tell you to believe me. We've talked about this so many times. Talked about it last night infact. Katie, you mean a lot to me. A lot more than you realise and i'm sorry about how things are going for you right now and im sorry about my part in them. I would really love to help but i don't know how to and you won't tell me how to to help. I care a lot about you, i really do and i don't want you to think that you're loosing me because you're not. I always know when somethings up with you so please don't ever feel like you have to hide it from me, you're one of my closest friends and i intend to keep it that way for aslong as you want my friendship. I absolutely adore you, i hope you know that and if anything were to happen to you i'd be crushed.

    Ima hit you up on msn and maybe skype, see if i can cheer you up a bit :hug:

    Love you x
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 24, 2010