hi </3

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by PauI, Apr 29, 2013.

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  1. PauI

    PauI New Member

    hi im paul. im 21

    I hate myself. I am a coward. I have been depressed for many years and i really want to end it but im too scared.

    i was always sad and miserable inside. I had an ok school life with many friends but i couldnt attend college. all my friends went except
    me. I lost touch with most of them except 2.

    i fell in love a year ago with a girl. she said she felt the same until she left. I attempted suicide but my best friend helpednme me. i cried for hours everyday for a months.

    she came back and she pleaded me to take her back. I was sad and i just wanted her back. She said it was a mistake and that she was an idiot. I love her more than anything or anyone. I no longer trust like before i am scared of loosing her again i cry when i think about it.

    I cry like every day. I am so afraid she will just leave. She says she loves me but she has said the same before...

    i was always sad but if i loose her again i would kill myself. I wish i could rid myself of this fear. I feel like a looser.

    I think i am ugly. I workout and i feel ugly. I feel like everyone looks at me and hates me. I hate myself enough. I can't sleep anymore. Im exhausted. I just want to end it before she leaves before she hates me like everyone else before she sees how awful i am i want to die knowing atleast she loved me a little.

    All i care for is her. She really is my world. I know im a looser im worthless i smile outside even though i am a miserable guy inside i cry all night everynight for four months..
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Paul sorry you have been so sad and for so long Have you talked to your doctor hun about this Have you tried to treat your depression show your gf that you are going to do what it takes to get the depression under some control don't let it ruin your life ok Get treatment meds therapy but reach out now ok and get some help you need and deserve
  3. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    hey paul

    sorry you feel so bad right now hugs.
    welcome to sf
  4. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    Hello Paul. I'm sorry to hear about you're struggle.
    Welcome to the forum and hope this place can help you.
  5. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    Hi Paul,
    Welcome to SF!!
    I hope you find this site helpful :D
  6. PauI

    PauI New Member

    thanks :)
  7. xXRaeXx

    xXRaeXx New Member

    I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I hope it gets better, and that you can find help here.
  8. Morisha

    Morisha Active Member

    Hello Paul :) Welcome.
    First and foremost you are NOT a looser!
    The fact that you're still alive after all these things happened in your life is what makes you automatically a Fighter!
    Not everyone can go through these harsh situations but the fact that you made It till now Is really wonderful.

    Secondly,go look up for a therapist and come & talk about your problems on this forum.
    We're trying the best we can do and give.

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