Hi. I've decided to join this forum because, to be honest, I don't know what else to do. I feel as if my head is going to explode from the never-ceasing storm of thoughts, memories, rants, condemnations etc that plague me throughout the day. I guess I'm hoping a neutral outlet for all the crap in my head will quiet it down a little. I might as well be honest and blunt: I'm 99% sure I'm going to kill myself in the next year or so. That 1% leaves room for some sort of momentous event that's a real catalyst for major changes in my life (obtaining a huge sum of money to buy a new life, for example, or getting the funding to make a feature length film [add me to the list of aspiring film makers toiling at the bottom of the industry ladder]). If something like that happens then I'll carry on living, otherwise I can pretty much guarantee I'm going to seek an end for my shitty life. I'm under no illusion that my life is The Worst One Ever. I know that right now there's millions of people on the planet enduring greater ordeals than what I have to go through. None of that stops me absolutely hating just about every aspect of my life - I did not ask for this life and it makes me so ****ing angry that I have to endure it. It was about three years ago that I was 'broken'. A relationship turning bad was the catalyst, with someone I loved a lot doing some really awful things that broke my head and my heart. On top of this so many terrible things happened in the space of a short few months that even I would struggle to believe them if I listed them all. Since then I've done therapy and medications and it hasn't changed a thing. I become a little sadder, angrier, lonelier and withdrawn every day. I don't care about anything. I want out. I guess I should stop now before this turns into a novella. Thank you for letting me get this all out of my head at least.