I came back to post some thoughts, I was here about a couple months ago. I see that many of you who were here then are still alive, but some of you are probably not. If you're not resting in peace, then I hope you find a way to get some peace while you're still alive. As for me, I'm still planning on being at peace sometime next year, and things are only worse now. It's really great to have a hope that your pain will end, whatever that way is. I feel most sorry for those that believe they will be tormented in hell, believe me when I say you won't no matter what you do! I wanted to share a simplified, condensed explanation of some insight I've gained, just for my own enjoyment of writing it out, and it may be of use to other people who are like me. I realized that there's nothing really exceptional about me that has led me to the understanding I have of things, or the unusual dissociative condition I have. In fact I think you are probably all smart enough to really understand things from my perspective. You see, the explanation I came to before of what happened to me in retrospect was that I was just somehow inherently or gentically destined to be in a small percentage of people who's brains force them to understand life from a perspective that makes it not quite possible to feel sane or happy...too aware from too many perspectives simultaneously. Not the case! To sum it up, the ability of your subconscious mind is nearly infinite in terms of things you can understand...all of you. A combination of factors may lead your mind to set to work in resolving theoretical problems, contradictions, pertaining to your identity and existence. What this means is that your mind has a whole slew of "tricks" you could call them, that are developed specifically for the purpose of not allowing you to devote the inner resources required to solve those problems. Depending on your starting point (the ideas and beliefs you were conditioned with), in order to "solve" those problems you may have to take in huge amounts of information, and spend long periods of time in critical thought making sense of it all. Any "mind", any single human identity, is like a maze...if you get out and stay out of the maze for a long enough time, you will not want to live, and any beliefs that used to make you feel good or important will feel almost comical. I think if you fully get to that point, there is little chance of any of the tricks that are for your own good working, because you can always recognize them for what they are before they take efffect unfortunately. It is almost cruel though, to become that aware of yourself, so don't fully deprogram yourself, unless understanding is your ultimate goal and you're ready to accept the possibility that understanding may equal the opposite of happiness. I fully expect to be in a living hell for the vast majority of my waking hours until I depart, and in my case I have reasons to delay that liberation until a certain time. It's mostly my own fault though, but that's just the way it is. If I had had some way to prevent this from happening, I would have, but I feel it's beyond too late for going back to a real life.