My name is Artur, I'm 26, Brazilian. I am out of reasons to live and living has become an everyday fight. I am such a romantic dreamer. My favorite movie is Moulin Rouge, and their love basically describes my beliefs and my biggest dreams. Love, family, faithfulness, honesty, education, charity and honnor are values I stand for and try to practice in life. Last november I've met a guy which was perfect in every single way, but I messed it up and lost him forever. I think I've found my soulmate, but lost him for such stupid reasons. I made him believe he couldn't make me happy, and now he won't give me another chance, for in his opinion, it would only lead to more pain for both of us. It was all my fault for being immature and manipulative, and now I'm having to reap what I've sown. He is younger (21), and from a "lower social class" than mine, so I devoted the time we spent together to show him my world and to make him happy. I was used to buy him surprise presents, designer clothes and to take him on tour weekend to try to give him some of the things I've always had. So during all this time, he became my only reason for living. I believe love is the most important thing in life, and that everybody has a soul mate. My life now seems too long to live without him. I don't feel like doing anything. During my lunch break, I drive home and try to sleep, but I cannot, so instead I lie on bed and cry. I am not properly eating at all. I often just lunch on weekends with my family, and survive out of water and minor snacks during the week days. I hide this situation from my family, because I don't want to be a burden at my age and also because I feel very ashamed of it. I am ashamed even because I know there are people dealing with much bigger problems without whining, and I'm being so weak with such a selfish problem. I joined this forum for this reason. That maybe it will open my eyes to something bigger and that maybe, if I can also help someone with a worst problem than mine, it will become my very reason to carry on, and I will feel worth again. I also volunteer on santurdays, in the suburbs, since the beginning of the year, and during the time I am there, I forget my problems. But this feeling don't last long enough. Forgive my typos, general grammar mistakes or randomness. English is not my mother tongue and I am not at my best condition. Thanks.