Im sorry Ive never really done anything like join a forum before. Just thought I'd introduce myself. My names kirstyrebecca, I'm almost 20 and I've been self-harming since the age of 13 and have 3 failed suicide attempts under my belt. I joined this evening I'd been on before but never thought of joining. I guess it because my friends are rather lacking in what to say to me, like they've run out of, aww sorry's and it'll be ok's. I guess I was just hoping to talk to other people who know how I feel or that have been through it. My suicidal thoughts come every so often its not everyday like it used to be. My mother put me into conuciling at 14 after my first attempt, which just made things a hell of alot worse, since she attended a quite a few of my sessions. I know she was just worried having already have lost one child, not wanting to lose another. But my brother didnt really commit suicide and I just think she didnt understand why I wanted to and I think she kinda thinks she failed me. I supose my self harming started after moving high-schools, the bullying was bad and it got too much, I didnt know alot of people were doing what I was, I thought it kinda of odd and I managed to hid my selfharming for about 6 months. My family doctor thought it was a teenage thing and I would grow out of it. My father thought it was to do with the music I listened to. My parents have seemed to keep my attempts and self harming to themselfs, none of my family know, oh the shame of it, my mother would die. Attempt number two was the big one, the week after my 18th, I knew that slitting my wrists didnt work, so I tired pills, I got every single cough pill, sleeping pill, paracetmol we own in the house and took it and all I remeber was waking up in hospital feeling like crap but I still wanted to be dead. I guess it been hard on everyone I know not understanding it. My boyfriend of two years recently asked me to marry him, however I got a bit too much for him and we broke up, attempt number 3. I dontk now what I want from the forum maybe it is just to know someone else has felt the same. Thanks for reading my rant.