Hi. I'm new here. It's sad to know there are people like me, but I feel less alone knowing it. I am a 54 year old woman who feels like a child. I blew my only shot at life being scared of my own shadow after a childhood of physical and mental abuse (aimed mostly at my sister, but us other girls were so used to what was going on we actually thought it was normal!). Never had the guts to become anything even though I loved learning and would have liked to get a master's degree in something and have a career. I've never had a date, but, after a severe head injury in 1991 and a complete personality change I took in a mentally ill alcoholic/drug addict and even though I was raped repeatedly I kept him around. Still with him. He stopped drinking in 1998 and the "sex" stopped then too. I allow anyone to tell me what to do...even if it goes aganist all my principles and morals. I have come to loathe myself. I have lost literally everything in the past few years...belongings, home, family. Never had friends, although everybody likes me. There is absolutely nothing about this life that makes it worth living. Nothing. There is no hope for a future. I take no pleasure in anything at all. I haven't played the piano or done my art work for 20 years. No desire. Head injury may be a part of it, but it doesn't matter. Nothing can help. I've tried 3 times to get off this planet. I won't fail again. I am tired of being me and hopefully, soon, I will stop being me. Glad you all can understand.