I'm new here and I'm from Oklahoma. I'm 18 and I just graduated high school. I've been diagnosed with chronic depression. I've refused therapy, mainly on the grounds that my family is having financial troubles and that I simply wouldn't know what to talk about and would just waste money. My doctor has pressured me to find some sort of support group for my problems and I finally settled here. I've had a history of self-harm; though my last episode was 4 months ago. I currently have no desire to kill myself, but I still think about it. I have a baby brother who is my world and three close friends who have essentially become my little sisters, and I wouldn't want to disappoint or hurt them. I am just a perfectly normal teenage boy who has been pushed too hard. I've been bullied about the way I talk, walk, my weight, my height and sexuality (Completely straight, but my overabundance of female friends doesn't help). I of course have the usual relationship problems. I've had 7 relationships, 6 of which ended up in me getting cheated on which kind of hinders any trust I put in women. But that's just regular high school bull crap. My problems are nowhere near as bad as a majority of this forum and I won't claim them to be. This leads to some kind of self-loathing paradox, where I'm ticked at my self for being depressed, but depressed because I'm so mad at myself. I believe that I have a pretty good home life. My mother and father are still married (albeit unhappily) and I fight with my dad a lot, but what can I say. It happens. I don't think anyone will have to ever worry about me committing suicide...well, yet, anyways. Nothing bad enough has happened to me to warrant me to actually try to go through with it. I'm having problems but I'm gonna just try to buck up and deal with it. All in all, I just want a good friend right now. I don't get to hear from my sisters very much due to some problems with them that I would explain, but won't out of respect for them and my baby brother is the only thing keeping me holding on. Support from fellow members would mean a lot. Anyways, this is starting to turn into a novel. So, hellooooo.