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Hi and help

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#1
Hi,
I found this website as I was trying to find the best way to kill myself. I’m sure it’s a normal scenario but I don’t know what I’m looking for.
My story is that I had an affair which pulled my family apart. My sons are in their 20’s and they won’t talk to me. I have no one to blame but myself.
I have a great support network but the depths of my guilt at what I’ve done to my sons is massive. I keep thinking about them and see their anguished faces. My therapist says stop feeling guilty but I cant.
if I’m busy I’m ok but as I’m sitting here on a crappy Sunday morning, I can only think of how I can end it all. My family are fine financially so I want to go. But, I know, they will be devastated if I did it as I know they still love me.
I really don’t know what I’m asking.
 

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#2
I think that a lot of people can relate to your story, @Jimmoxf -
HI & Welcome, by the way. . . To me, it sounds like what you did was not only "quite human," but also something that hardly makes you a unique specimen on planet earth. So, I know it is only quite natural to be overly hard on yourself. But, it does seem to me as though you've got some remorse, which in and of itself, is far better (were I to put myself in your Son's or Wife's shoes. . ) than not. What's done is done. You can't go back and change it... I'd say if you can learn to live with it - somehow - & maybe that's what your therapist was getting at (I don't know?). . . Then maybe things can be improved going ahead & forward with your Family. You don't mention a timeline, but it sounds like this is something that occured only semi-recently. And so, it can take some time (for all sides) to heal; properly / naturally / etc. And I think you're right: taking the exit out the universe would probably, tempting as it may seem (in THIS Moment. ) be the only thing that could - in the end - make things worse. If that is something you can grasp; at present? I'd understand if you cannot -- as often times when in the middle of, or the, "thick of things" it is hard to see the big picture clearly. I'm trying to wrap my mind around how I might feel in an analogous situation as your Son's. . . & I think, were that to happen: It'd be (maybe) like a "Double~Whammy!" Keep talking if it helps. As you say, sometimes just having something to do, and to take your mind off whatever's destructive and playing on repeat can be a Godsend. And above all else, take care of yourself. Keep in mind, lots of people have gone through this before. And have somehow come through out the other side and then been fine. So, there's that! : )
 

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#3
In my opinion your therapist isn't very good at helping you process the guilt,,type guilt into youtube and youl find help.
I'm suffering intense guilt due to realisations in my own life .
Your nervous system has gotten a shock so itl throw up all this negative emotions inside you .
Keep fighting your corner ,you can help your kids if and when they make mistakes in there life.
Peace.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#4
I agree with the above comments. Your suicidal feelings are situational. I hope your sins heal and understand what happened. They are too you g to understand that your affair was probably developmental. They have not experienced it yet unfortunately to empathize. Not to say your affair is condoned. It is just not worth being rejecting.
 

JDot

1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
Hey @Jimmoxf I haven't been in your exact situation, but I know how guilt can eat at you. The important thing is you know that your loved ones would be devastated if you took your life. And I can tell you this is true. My sister took her life in 2017, and my family has been in pain since. It's especially affected her daughter and our mother deeply. I know forgiving yourself can be hard, but it is possible. It may take time, but we can learn to forgive ourselves. One thing you can't come back from is taking your life. Just know you're not alone. Most of us here at SF found this place trying to find easy ways to take our lives. We understand how you feel, and the last thing we want to do is judge you. You'll always have a place to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you, and we're glad to have you here. *hug
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#6
Hello and welcome to the forum. The above advice is very good and fits yourself as well as so many who have joined here, I hope you will stay around for a while and join in with us here.
 
#7
Thanks for all your advice. I think I have got to cope with my guilt and accept it. I’ve been an amazing dad and a great husband [ apart for the last couple of years]. So I think I should focus on that. One of my friends said that I have done everything that I can for my family since the break up, and I should now start thinking about myself.
 
#8
Sorry that you're going through this.

I wonder if something like family therapy might help.

Killing yourself would not only be a mistake for you, it would also probably devastate your family.

I'm not sure if everything can simply be patched up and be the way things were before the affair, but I think it might be possible to be on good terms with everyone.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#9
What is it? 60% of partners have affairs? More? It is more the norm than not. Serial affairs however might be a different story
 
#10
Hi,
It was my first affair. Funny thing is that your probably right with the statistic. Nearly all my friends are having affairs. It seems I was in the minority for the bulk of my married life.
As far as good terms, I’ve done everything possible to stay on good terms. I won’t do anything to cause trauma now. But, as my therapist says, I shouldn’t be submissive, which I have been since it happened.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#13
Hi,
It was my first affair. Funny thing is that your probably right with the statistic. Nearly all my friends are having affairs. It seems I was in the minority for the bulk of my married life.
As far as good terms, I’ve done everything possible to stay on good terms. I won’t do anything to cause trauma now. But, as my therapist says, I shouldn’t be submissive, which I have been since it happened.
May be not be submissive but humble.
 
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