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Hi and why I am here.

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#1
There is a story I heard on a movie once, Zhang Zimous "In the Mood for Love", the story is that when someone in CHina has a secret that is eating away

inside them they make a little hole somewhere, whisper the secret in to the hole and then cover the hole up, sucide forum you are that hole, I have things

about my life that are depressing me and angering me to the point where I need to get it off my chest, because right now I feel like I could just break down and cry.

Hi By the way

Basically I feel like a ghost, I have no friends outside of school, no love interest, no guts to ask anyone out, I just sit around when I am not working and jack off, play video games and get angry and depressed. I just sit on the computer bouncing from one site to another in an attempt to find something to keep my mind occupied that my life sucks. Even on the websites any kind of social interaction usually ends with me being ignored or told to go away.

I chose the name ghosted because it feels like I am a ghost, I can walk through a room without anyone noticing me, I am the guy you talk to at a party while waiting for the fun people to arrive, once they arrive you forget all about me. Not that I get invited to any parties, I am scared of going out because I am scared that I will make an idiot out of myself or I find some other excuse.

I am not suicidal but it is an option, I have lost my fear of death long ago and the only thing keeping me going is the idea that things may get better, also my Taoist beliefs help me along as well.

There is no beauty in my life that I can appreciate, no sense of "wow" anymore, I guess I am becoming a Nihilist, feeling nothing but anger and sadness. This is what I really think of myself but I keep it hidden from the world in case I become a laughing stock, while the people I know probably know this already.

I am close to tears at this point.

Help.
 
M

MrDepressed

#2
Welcome to the forum and I hope that you find some help or alteast reassurance from our community..
 
#3
We are here for you... never give up talk, yell, scream we will listen we may not know you personally but we do mentally and we or I will be a friend.
I REMEMBER
by Barbie Lynn Anderson

WE WERE CONNECTED, AS ONE
AND ALWAYS HAD SO MUCH FUN
WE ALWAYS KNEW WHAT ANOTHER THOUGHT
NOW IN A TEARY MESS IS WERE I'M CAUGHT

YOU WERE SO SMART... YOU WERE GOING SOMEWERE
I HAD NO HEART AND WAS BEING VERY UNFARE
I TRIED SUICIDE WITH MY FATHERS KNIFE
YOU SAID THAT WAS NO WAY TO LIVE MY LIFE

NOW I SIT ALONE AND THINK ABOUT YOU
TO YOUR MEMORY, I WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE
I LOOK TO THE SKY, WONDER WERE YOU ARE AND HOW FAR
AS MY HEART STARTS TO BREAK... I SEE A FALLING STAR

I LISTEN TO THE BEAT AND WORDS TO YOUR SONG
I WILL NEVER REALLY UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE GONE
YOU LEFT THIS WORLD, SO NOW I SHED A TEAR
WILL I BE ALONE IN THIS WORLD...(THAT IS MY FEAR)

SO, PLEASE REMEMBER LIKE YOUR SONG SAYS
WE'LL MEET IN THE END IN HEAVEN, MY FRIEND

I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL
 

Forgotten_Man

Well-Known Member
#5
Wow you and me are very much a like.

But in all my years I have learned a few things. First off that depression turns into stuff. Sometimes it is anger and hate, other times it is suicide. Anger and hate turn into suicide as well. Personally I feel that if you are depressed and do nothing about you will fall to suicide.

As for meeting people, look I have spent so many years bitching about the same things. The only places I ever got people in my life was at work and school, more work than school. But I am learning that if you do not go out and at least be seen by people you will never be seen. So just try going out from time to time. Do something you enjoy, I know that I love to play video games so I try to go to arcades. Or I try to go bowling or go play billards. I just get out and be seen by others. Now I am working on emulating an outgoing pleasant aura, and body language. Because going out is not enough, if you do not emulate happiness people will not want to be around you.

I know the fact that you might make an idiot out of yourself is terrifying. But would it be as painful as continuing your current life?
 
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