Hi *awkward wave and smile*

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by scarsandstains, Feb 27, 2008.

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  1. scarsandstains

    scarsandstains New Member

    My name is Asha. I have a long and complicated past behind me and my suicidal behaviors, but I hate sharing it. I've tried to kill myself 3 times. Two times was from OD-ing, and another from trying to cut an atery and a vein. I regret trying to cut the vein and atery, it wasn't planned at all. I was just cutting one night and before I knew it I was digging into an already deep cut trying to hit a vein, and then an atery. I've been IP 4 times, all last year. 2 times was my overdose, and the other two times were from plans that my mom found (I wrote it out). I have an eating disorder(EDNOS) and cut. I've been living with my ED since August of 2006, and my cutting and depression since September/Novemberish 2006. The last time I was IP I met my current boyfriend there, yesterday it was 4 months. He's the only one I talk to when I"m suicidal, and the majority of the time I don't tell him because I'm don't want him to worry about me. I'm living for my mom and my boyfriend right now. Nothing else. I use drugs and cigarttes to bribe me into staying when I don't feel like living for others. Even though my life is going better than usual (well at least from my point of view), everything that I was trying to recover from is getting worse. I was almost completely recovered from my eating disorder, and then a couple weeks ago I started slowly falling back into it, and now I'm completely back into it-- and making sure to keep it a secret. I was slowly quitting cutting, with the occasion slip up, and it's starting to become an every night thing again. My depression has been worse than ever that past couple of weeks, and I've had to stop myself in the process of preparing to kill myself. I'm worried about how much longer I can make it. I feel like I'm holding onto a thin strand of hope as tight as I can, and I"m so tired. I just want to let go.

    Sorry for such the long intro. I'll give you a cookie if you actually read the whole thing. :smile:
  2. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF. Hope you find the support you're looking for to recover from all this. Good luck!

    Now where's my cookie?!! :tongue:
  3. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF, Asha!!! :hug:

    If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. I also cut and have EDNOS.
  4. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF, Asha. :smile: Feel free to message me if you ever want to chat. xx
  5. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum Asha :hug:
  6. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    hello and a big welcome to sf ill look forward to seeing you around the sight *Hug:smile:
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: Asha :hug:
  8. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum :welcome:
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