hi.. thanks for reading my post.
i'm 20 years old and have been very sick the past 2 years. i have lost the capacity to lead anything resembling a normal life. i have extreme visual disturbances that prevent me from being able to go to school, and the fatigue that never lets up doesn't help. to list all my symptoms would take pages, so i'm not going to do that, suffice to say they have combined to make life hell for me. friends stopped talking to me about the time this all started, because i wasn’t fun anymore or didn’t have the energy to go out partying. i have one friend at this point, who i can talk to on the phone maybe 5 minutes once a month. i have been to more than a couple therapists throughout the duration of this illness, and we get off to a good start, but they all inevitably get off track and want to peg the way i feel on some traumatic episode from my past they’ve invented or the notion that my family is dysfunctional, which surprisingly it isn't. they can’t seem to understand that being sick every day for 2 years is more than enough to make someone feel the way i do.
please don’t worry that i’m looking for advice on my illness, because i have already been told by many, many doctors it isn’t going to get better; it’s progressive. nor am i fishing for pity, because i’ve completely accepted my situation. i just wanted to explain how i got to this point.
i have known for a long time that i am going to have to kill myself, and i think that time has come. i don’t care about me anymore, just how to make this even minutely easier on my family members. where to do it is the main issue. i don’t want them to discover me. i’ve considered checking into a hotel. does anyone have any thoughts on this, or how otherwise to make this easier on my family?
thanks.
morvern
i'm 20 years old and have been very sick the past 2 years. i have lost the capacity to lead anything resembling a normal life. i have extreme visual disturbances that prevent me from being able to go to school, and the fatigue that never lets up doesn't help. to list all my symptoms would take pages, so i'm not going to do that, suffice to say they have combined to make life hell for me. friends stopped talking to me about the time this all started, because i wasn’t fun anymore or didn’t have the energy to go out partying. i have one friend at this point, who i can talk to on the phone maybe 5 minutes once a month. i have been to more than a couple therapists throughout the duration of this illness, and we get off to a good start, but they all inevitably get off track and want to peg the way i feel on some traumatic episode from my past they’ve invented or the notion that my family is dysfunctional, which surprisingly it isn't. they can’t seem to understand that being sick every day for 2 years is more than enough to make someone feel the way i do.
please don’t worry that i’m looking for advice on my illness, because i have already been told by many, many doctors it isn’t going to get better; it’s progressive. nor am i fishing for pity, because i’ve completely accepted my situation. i just wanted to explain how i got to this point.
i have known for a long time that i am going to have to kill myself, and i think that time has come. i don’t care about me anymore, just how to make this even minutely easier on my family members. where to do it is the main issue. i don’t want them to discover me. i’ve considered checking into a hotel. does anyone have any thoughts on this, or how otherwise to make this easier on my family?
thanks.
morvern