hi...could use some help.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by morvern_callar, Feb 4, 2010.

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  1. morvern_callar

    morvern_callar New Member

    hi.. thanks for reading my post.
    i'm 20 years old and have been very sick the past 2 years. i have lost the capacity to lead anything resembling a normal life. i have extreme visual disturbances that prevent me from being able to go to school, and the fatigue that never lets up doesn't help. to list all my symptoms would take pages, so i'm not going to do that, suffice to say they have combined to make life hell for me. friends stopped talking to me about the time this all started, because i wasn’t fun anymore or didn’t have the energy to go out partying. i have one friend at this point, who i can talk to on the phone maybe 5 minutes once a month. i have been to more than a couple therapists throughout the duration of this illness, and we get off to a good start, but they all inevitably get off track and want to peg the way i feel on some traumatic episode from my past they’ve invented or the notion that my family is dysfunctional, which surprisingly it isn't. they can’t seem to understand that being sick every day for 2 years is more than enough to make someone feel the way i do.
    please don’t worry that i’m looking for advice on my illness, because i have already been told by many, many doctors it isn’t going to get better; it’s progressive. nor am i fishing for pity, because i’ve completely accepted my situation. i just wanted to explain how i got to this point.
    i have known for a long time that i am going to have to kill myself, and i think that time has come. i don’t care about me anymore, just how to make this even minutely easier on my family members. where to do it is the main issue. i don’t want them to discover me. i’ve considered checking into a hotel. does anyone have any thoughts on this, or how otherwise to make this easier on my family?
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya morven_callar. :hug: Sounds like a unpleasant mix of difficulties. I'm sorry you have to deal with all that.

    I'm sure that I've read somewhere that chronic health issues can wear down a person emotionally. And then the depression feeds the health problem...a bit of a vicious cycle if it's not resolved. I think your therapists might not have listened and really understood the toll your health problem is taking. If you can bear to, maybe go back again and tell them very firmly that you feel your health issues are a big part of why you are depressed.

    It's too bad you haven't found a sympathetic therapist yet. Many therapists agree to make a framework of therapy goals and length of therapy/number of sessions with their clients. Perhaps you could try that - see if you can make a framework that includes the things you want to discuss.

    Hmmm. Dysfunctional families...Sometimes families are kind of dysfunctional, but neither the adults nor their children recognize that it is - it's just "normal" to them and what they're used to. However, the dysfunction can still have a negative effect. Later in life, family members might have issues, but not realize those stem from family dysfunction. Have you asked these therapists to explain why they feel your family was dysfunctional, and what makes them think you've experienced some traumatic event in the past? Maybe you could find out where they're coming from before you throw in the towel.

    Last but not least, you could try another therapist and explain the sort of problems you had with the other ones. There are good therapists out there - ones who really listen and help.

    I can imagine you must be feeling very desperate and weary from the therapist trouble added to your physical condition. So I'll add, I use a lot of energy to "not be depressed"...but it takes a toll on me. If you're battling the depression, even to just keep going, I'm not at all surprised you're tired.

    Take care of yourself. I sincerely hope you do not harm or kill yourself.

  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    We don't discuss method here on SF but if you want to talk about how you feel and why you wish to end your life we are here for you. We are a pro-life forum I am certain you will find what I have found...lots of support.

    If you condition is terminal their are die with dignity associations, I myself am a member, that can help you make the right choice. I don't suppose to know what is best for you but I do want you to be happy and am here to talk to, lean on or give whatever support I can provide

    If you are a bit shy you may PM too.

    Take care and hope to get to know you better,
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I just wanted to say hi and welcome to SF.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forums! :welcome:
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome ...I'm glad you found this forum.....
    I'm sorry that you are so ill but I would like to say there is no way you can make things easier on your family by killing yourself....
    I lost my son to suicide and the whole family is devestated.....there is no word invented to describe the feelings of the grief it's caused....
    It would have been easier to lose him naturally than to lose him to suicide....
    if you don't have a disfunctional family (as ours is) then please reconsider what you're thinking of doing .....
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello welcome to the forums!! Keep talking to us, the more we know the better we can help support you..I know how you feel that you have come to the end of the road.. But you haven't you reached out here and touched our lives.. You have just joined a whole new family.. No one here wants to see any harm come to you.. There are still many paths for you to explore.. Give us a chance to help you find the right one!!
  8. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    hi :) welcome to the forum. i hope you manage to spend some time and talk to us here - there is a lot of support to be gained and some friendships along the way :shake:
  9. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Welcome to sf, i hope you'll find comfort and friendship here.
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