Hi - Decideded really no more options.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DR09, Jan 3, 2011.

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  1. DR09

    DR09 Account Closed

    Hello There, just regestered - not sure why I am posting this but feel that I need to.

    I have been contemplating suicide for some time. I do not feel depressed - just feel that the best option is to end it.

    Looking at me from outside I am a good guy - I have great kids (though am seperated); able to provide for them well with my good job. See them regularly and am part of their life. BUT why do we go on.

    Life is just ups and downs (mostly downs) so what is the point. When I die, the children will be comfortable. House will be paid off, good pension paid to my ex-wife; financially sound for the rest of their lives. I know I will not be around but one is so young she will not miss me. The elder one is still young and I suspect (hope) that within a year or two would have forgotton me.

    My ex wife will be hurt but will be able to move on from our relationship.

    Have just finished the planning stage. All signed and sealed ready to go. If I can hang in for a couple of weeks; I am about to get a pay increament, this will increase their pension payments.

    I know how I plan on doing it as I need to make sure that I do it once and do it right.

    I will not have to see my habitually cheating girlfriend with another guy. Am not doing it because of that - just have got to the stage that the check out date is imminant.

    Thanks for reading

    DR
     
  2. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry but your kids WILL be affected. Giving them a secure financial future is no compensation for a dead father.
    Please think this over - use sf as a sounding board you will get lots of love and support here. X
     
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF!!

    Im not sure I agree with you on when you leave that everything is going to come together like you think.

    Your children will never be comfortable without a father, they will always have this thing that say they are missing something and you know what that is, YOU!!! I can say that because I grew up without a man figure in my life, I used that to make so many bad choices growing up, I reached out and needed a man to love me because I didnt have it growing up.

    Your children need you here to help them grow, to help them make good choices in life, to push them to be all that they can be.

    Can I ask what brought this on?
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Living is not about being financially sound I being raised by one parent know the hell it is without having a father. You are what is needed your love your protection your guidance all invaluable things to your children Never leave them with the pain their father just did not care please get help for your depression It is a form of depression you are just deep in it distorted thinking is a sign of depression. Get some help okay call GP get on meds get therapy
    Look after you so you can be strong to look after your children hugs
     
  5. DR09

    DR09 Account Closed

    Hi,

    I know life is not only about being finacially sound BUT it does help. My ex wife is an attractive intellegent individual who will find a good man to have in her and the childrens lives.

    This has got to be a better option than having a misrable part time dad. Whilst I did not come from a broken home, my dad was always out at work. I missed him loads. However, with me not being here and my ex moving on they have a better chance of having a stable family relationship.

    When I do this - my ex will never forgive that this happened; she will not speak to them about me - I have made arrangements to have all aspects of me obliterated from their lives. The only thing that will remain is my name on their birth certs. My youngest is 18 months so will never be able to remember me. My oldest is 4 so the sooner this is done the better but he will forget at that age about me. I have very, very few memories at that age.

    I do not expect everything to just fall into place but they will all be better off. Yes there will be heartache but I suspect/hope this will be over in the next 12 months. They will eventlually have a new father. Whilst I would like to be part of their lives the down sides are far greater than the plus sides of me being around.

    I cannot continue with my life. I feel time pressured as the sooner it done will be better, the longer it is left then the more chance there is of more memories for my eldest.

    This needs doing as I keep getting in this spiral of doom. I am a logical, sensible person and the logic for going do out weigh the staying.

    I found wholly true love with my girlfriend. I have never felt like this before BUT she cannot help herself around other men and has strayed from me on occasion. I will never love somebody again. We had parted some months ago and I had planned on ending it between xmas and new year. But we talked and spent some time together. after we agreed this and that we both had feelings for each other I went around there yesterday and happened to notice a chaps name, number and resturant on a peice of paper (was not there the two nights ago). I asked her about this and she confirmed that she spoke with him last night and arranged a date!

    What brought this on? Seeing my children - knowing that I cannot live with their mother, not putting them through the hell of the daily arguments and bickering if I did (I am being encouraged to go back). I pay all I can to support them but my debts, their mortgage and a lot struggling would all go without me being here.

    Thank you for your replies.

    DR
     
  6. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    If one of your children was posting this saying that you as thier parents would be okay without them, what response would you give them?
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are kidding yourself in thinking they will move on because they WON?T
    your distorted thinking is getting you to believe things that are not right. Go in get some therapy to help you cope okay get therapy to get you to see that what you are deciding is no way beneficial to anyone.

    Youwill set your children up to a life time a pain alife time they will to perhaps decide suicide is the best way out to be with their dad

    Get some help okay get some therapy to help you cope so you can be there
     
  8. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Only your name on their birth certificates!!! You really think that will have no impact? Who is thisam? Where did he go? Why did he die? Wasn't I good enough? You reasly are underestimating those kids.
    Also - I can remember incidents from when I was three so don't expect your oldest not to.

    Commit to being the best part time dad you can be and get support for your depression.
     
  9. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Hope your having a better day
     
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :confused: Sorry but I do not really see how you are out of options. It sounds to me like you do not have a bad relationship with your ex-wife. So you still get to be a part of your kids lives. You can provide for yourself, and you know how to obtain a mate.

    Your post wrecks of annoyance. You are annoyed with your cheating girlfriend. That is am easy fix, dump her. It is that simple, you do not have to dump her now. After all she can provide you with some entertainment while you seek her replacement.

    It is not that you are out of options. You are just not seeing ones that are already there.
     
  11. DR09

    DR09 Account Closed

    Thanks for all of your support. There is only one way out of this.

    I have started to instigate the plan. Have served notice to my Landlord and selling off/giving away my stuff. Will make it easier for my executor to tidy up my affairs after it has happened.

    Have a great couple of week-ends planned with the kids - then it will be drop them off to their mum and time to go.

    The clock is ticking.

    Thanks

    DR
     
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    And after you are gone who will take yur kids for a nice weekend to share with them love and care. You will destroy them their happiness their future will be as dark as your is now. Instead of using your energy to plan your end use it to get help so your children will not have to live without a father that loves them
    get help now why wait get you better NOW okay meds therapy it is worth the fight for you and your children Call crisis line NOW okay start healing Now
     
  13. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I really wish you would rethink this, your setting your kids up for unhappiness. There is nothing that will replace you, you are their father and they need you to be there for them.

    Please tell someone what your planning, dont do this!!!!
     
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