Where to start? I was thinking of writing the usual newbie stuff (name, age, location, etc.) but that's too ordinary so I'm going to just dive right in.......I suffer from AVPD, and I have social anxiety disorder and occasionally depression as a result. I can't seem to make connections with anyone, probably because I have trouble finding people that understand me. Rather than be ridiculed or come off as weird, I taught myself to bottle up my personality so that nobody will know what I'm really like. Before I leave the house each day, I put on my mask of being a laid-back, express-no-emotions type of person. I realized long ago it's a self-defeating strategy but I can't get out of doing it. On another note, I'm an extreme existentialist who questions the meaning of why I do anything. I questioned what I was doing so many times that one day I came to believe that almost everything is meaningless, a hole that I'm still trying to find a way out of. I know that life is so valuable, yet I can't put the meaning into it. I'm not really suicidal; I've never come close to it, but I rather think of suicide as a back way out if I can't handle life anymore. So I'm basically here to try to squash any of those suicidal thoughts and also give some help if I can.