Hi Everyone!.. these are my problems.. :P

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Maxii.., Jan 2, 2007.

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  1. Maxii..

    Maxii.. Well-Known Member

    hi!..
    hmm..
    im maximiliano..
    im from argentina..
    im 15..
    i cut and burn myself..
    my life sucks..

    I've got a girlfriend.. i've been with her for 6 months now..
    i love her a lot more than i lñove myself.. i love her a lot more than a love anything else.. i want to make her happy.. and she says the only way she can be happy.. is if i am happy.. (i don't fucking believe that.. i've pretended to be okay.. and that i did not care about any of her faults for longs periods of time.. and she kept cutting and trying to puke after meals.. *she never achieved so..* )
    When i was a little kid (lets say.. 8 years old..) my father kicked down to the floor and kept kicking her while she screamed at me and my 3-years-younger brother "kids, con you see how daddy takes adventage 'cause he's stronger?" or something like that (she screamed in spanish.. i don't know the exact translation.. )
    The other day i had a big argument with my father and we end up hitting each other.. i told him that i hated him.. and that i would kill him.. and im planning on it..
    hmm.. there's more..
    On new years eve.. i was trying to forget i was unhappy.. throwing firewaoks and drinking light booze.. when something went wrong and one of the fireworks fall to a side.. the result.. 15 misiles being thrown to my family.. my mother blamed me.. so i told her to fuck off and i ran away.. she found me on the streets latter that night.. when i got back home.. i locked myself in a room.. i cutted myself.. i burned myself.. i punched myself in the face and legs.. i pulled my hair.. i hitted my head against the wall.. then i just layed on the floor and cried.. (i never cry.. no matter how hard i try.. )
    it was that night when i desided to kill myself.. first i thought of eating rat poison.. but after a whole night of reaserching and reading idiotic blogs.. and not finding painless deaths.. i realized.. you only die once.. if you'll be lucky enought to choose the way you do it.. you better do it with some style.. or something alike..
    so.. im going to empty my stomach as good as i can.. (by not eating for a couple of days.. ).. im going to buy from 120 to 150 cigarettes.. ( 60 cigarettes in a roll are enought to kill you..) and im gonna smoke them one by one.. without stopping.. its gonna take me a few hours.. but it's a cool way to die!!..

    thats it..

    i haven't told anyone about my intentions of ending my life.. 'cause i don't want to worry them (or stop me.. )




    if anyone wants to talk about something with me.. my email is mtc_srz@hotmail.com ..

    thanks for reading..
    don't kill yourselfs..(i mean it..)
     
  2. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    well i´m lara and i´m from argentina, so you can talk to me at any time, i cut myself and i have a boyfriend too. don´t think you are alone, here i am.pm me if you want to let it all out. hun you need to eat because you will feel downer that now if you aren´t healthy
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2007
  3. AndyJP

    AndyJP Active Member

    Maximiliano, There is no cool way to die. No one will remember you for being the person that died after poisoning himself to death with cigarettes. You are very young and I think that you should focus on the positives in your life rather than the negatives. You have a girlfriend that you care so much for, it sounds like such a deep relationship that is so rare for your age. Six months of it is even more special, I'm 21 and I have never had a relationship for that long.

    Other than that, you certainly have the right to say your life sucks right now. I really feel bad for you. Your situation with your family is very sad and appears to be a large part of your problem. I think that you should talk to a teacher or another adult that you trust about it. I think the best thing that you can do right now is to focus on what you want your life to be like and set goals for yourself to get you there. You can hang in there, and when you are able to financially support yourself, you can mold your own life. :thumbup:
     
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