I am new to this and thanks to a friend who suggested this site I am here, I am very nervous about talking to people about my problem/s. I get afraid of being judged. Just last year my Dr diagonosed me with Manic Depression. I went to him because I have been a angry/sad/down person for quite some time. Alot of the time i feel out of control like i'm loosing my mind and feel i may end up being locked up and the key thrown away. i started seeing a psycologist for the first time (only been 4 times) she is great! i've been given these exercises to help me but i struggle to try them or should i say i feel like i dont need to do them. maybe i'm in denial? I feel as though my Dr is wrong and there's more going on than depression i dont know but one minute i'm fine the next i'm crazy angry then next i'll be crying non-stop for two hours! I am so afraid that i am loosing my mind and i dont want to be known as a loony. it's so hard for me to understand and sometimes i question my whole existance! i never use to think about doing the worst to myself but the last 6 months it's started to enter my mind and when i have an episode its always there weather or not i take my anti-depressants i still have my thoughts and feel out of control maybe im just crazy and cant be helped? alcohol seems like a good idea but it fuels my sickness more i dont eat for days and i just drink then i feel sick physically! i hate it but dont know how to stop. i have next to no friends because of the way i am now days i use to be able to count one friend as an actual friend but i think that has gone out the window now too! i feel so alone 99% of the time and im sceared ill end up dying alone. anyway this is my story at the moment just looking for a friend and people who understand and may be able to help im not sure '