hi everyone, i've been around a few days, and thought i'd say hi. boy am i glad i found this forum! i'm catherine, i'm an artist/photographer, i moved to ireland from nyc about a year ago. how did i end up here on this site? i guess i wasn't paying much attention to my mental health over the last year and depression snuck up on me. before i knew it i was planning my death and was happy for it. i even did a "trial run" around new year's, but at the last minute took steps to save myself. i'm determined to fight this with everything i have, but truthfully, the urge to die, get high, or just numb out is just so strong most days. i have to literally sit on my hands for fear of what i might do. but i've survived this in the past and really want to make it this time. i'm on a wait list to see a therapist, and i really hope that will help. plus i can't tell you how often i've emailed samaritans in these past weeks! reading all these posts and meeting some of you online these past few days has given me such comfort and i want to say thanks for sharing so honestly, it's made it much easier for me as a newbie. c.