Hi everyone

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by waters edge, Aug 3, 2009.

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  1. waters edge

    waters edge Member

    I guess I did this all backwards pretty much the way I do things in life, I posted my poem "The Waters Edge" which is how I plan to leave this world just working on when.

    I am 50 years old and my whole life has been filled with ups and downs, seems like more downs. To start I was adopted by an older couple and my adopted mother didn't like me and made sure I knew it every day. I had my first baby at 20, thought having someone to love would help and it did, married his dad 1 1/2 yrs later, had another baby and things were good. Didn't realize my husband was manipulating me into isolating myself from family and friends until much later in life. Anyway things were ok, my 2 kids were getting older and didn't need me as much so I got pregnant again against my husbands wishes claiming I was taking my pills when I really wasn't. At that time I didn't realize my kids were keeping my depression at bay and now the youngest is 18 and my depression has crashed down on me like a big dark wrecking ball and I can't get it off me.

    So day by day it just gets worse, I get through work, come home go to bed cry myself to sleep and do it all again the next day. My days off I sleep all day if I can. I can't wait to be done with this life. So anyway that is me.

    The Waters Edge
    The waters edge it beckons me
    promising to set me free
    wave after wave crashing over me

    mom, dad, grandparents too
    soon I will be joining you
    just one deep breath
    a few minutes pass
    my earthbound life gone in a flash

    no more heartache
    no more fears
    no more uselessness
    no more tears

    no pain no sadness
    no more stress or lost love
    I am now part of the earth below
    and the sky above

    I wish I would have done this years ago
    but you always fear what you don't know

    light a candle say a prayer
    listen close and you may hear
    my desperation loud and clear
    the sadness that hovered over me
    is gone forever, I AM FREE

    shed a tear or maybe two
    but that's all because you see
    there's no need to mourn for me

  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forums.I'm glad you found us :hug:
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. i am sorry you are hurting so much. Children do tend to keep some things at bay occasionally. I can understand what you say about the depression crashing down on you. Just remember that even though your children are now all adults, they are still your children and they need you. It may not be in the same capacity as when they were toddlers or adolecents , but they now face even more important life altering decisions for which your advice is needed. They need to rely on your experience. :hug:
  4. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hey :hug: welcome to sf
    i'm glad you found us!
    i hope you find all the help and support you need here :smile:
    if you ever need anything, i'm always here :heart:
    triggs xx
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad your here and talking your kids will always love your and need you as you them.
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to Sf
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums... I hope you will find the strength to keep fighting by talking to others here...Take care!!
  8. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.

    :hug: xx
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