I joined this forum to be able to talk with people who share my same problems and could understand my situation.I'm 18,i'm from italy and since i was 13 i was alienated from society,well almost... Beside school i live my daily life here at home, i don't have people who you could call "friends" nor a girlfriend. Every day feels lonely, even so is better staying here at home than being outside doing whatever...I skip school because when i'm around people i feel like shit, i'm defenseless, anyone could harm me, i have problems expressing myself or i just don't feel like it. This may seem crazy but lately when i walk or i'm in front of people i can't even walk properly and i think shit like "how i'm supposed to walk?" or "what should i do with my arms? Where should i put them?" while i'm walking or standing still. I have obsessions about beauty, sometimes i feel like i'm the most beautiful creature on this planet, and some other time i feel like a ugly piece of shit, i guess that's the effect of television? Most days i feel very depressed and want to kill myself, not today though. I lack motivation, i don't feel like doing anything i don't see a future, my grades are really bad ,but i feel like a very smart person. I love sleeping, it's so peaceful , while you're asleep you can think whatever you like and its true.I'm only able to entertain myself watching anime,reading manga playing games, watching tv series and i feel like i didn't live a day of my life. My school life sucks badly, i'm in a male only school with a little % of girls, like 4%, i try to appear normal, i always laugh even though i hate them for their sillyness, they don't have a clue about "how life sucks", i can't stand being friendly with them, i have nothing to say, and some of them even dare to bother me. I'm in a position where life goes on without me, every day will be worse, because i'm growing and one day i will have to support myself financially, i hope that day will never come, it's better to die at this point. I didn't read any rule of this forum, so if i did something wrong pls excuse me and my silly existence.