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Hi everyone

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Hope everyone's hanging in there.

I'm 31 and I attempted on May 14, 2003. I swallowed 47 sleeping pills. (48 in packet, I dropped one on the floor somewhere.) Not a great method. I just turned my body into a block of cement for a few hours (it was like I was on the gravitron at the fair, my limbs were SO heavy, forget about holding up my head), and made myself completely incoherent. I think I mumbled something about seeing John Lennon inside the weather on the Weather Channel. lol

Anyhoo... I was (and still am) a huge Rocky Horror Picture Show fan. I posted my feelings to their forum, and then when I got back from the hospital, I got back on their forum, and one of the moderators I guess checked my I.P. address (is that what it's called?) and they promptly banned me and chastized me. Some even sent me hateful private e-mails. They thought I'd pulled a prank.

Battled depression off and on. I've never had a father figure who truly loved me. My own I haven't seen since 1982. We had to track him down for blood test to prove he was my father. My stepdad doesn't care for me. He pushed me away slowly until all communication was through my mother. He just doesn't like me. My mom sort of let it happen too. I was never part of their family. They'd go out to dinner without me and stuff. I tried to bring it up to my mom, with no results.

I remember being rejected by the opposite sex as early as age 5. This little boy enjoyed being flirted with by all the little girls. When I did it, he screamed, "Noooooooooo!"

It's so hilarious, looking back on it. :) But I'm ashamed to say.... believe it or not, it's stuck with me all my life. I can't help but view myself as disgusting.

I don't know. I feel like my problems are nothing compared to other peoples'. Which makes me even more disgusted with my own feelings.

No serious relationships, really. One of my boyfriends was even gay and just used me as a front, because he was too scared to come out.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi i am glad your here You problems are just as important as everyones here I am sorry your family has treated you so badly Your feeling of abandonment must hurt you so greatly inside I hope you can talk to us more here and let go of some that sadness okay. you can pm me anytime okay hugs:hugtackles:
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